Patterno Flogic

Things that don't suck: Men at Work

2007-05-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

We cleared out our entire backyard on Saturday...the Bobcat was in full effect, brother! Now we've got a place for the kids to play...P2 is due in minutes/hours/days...who knows...it's soon...I've been working o the house, and have plenty of posts coming about the experience.

This day, in particular, was the most satisfying of all the other projects combined. The entire yard was overrun by ground cover, trees, vines - you name it. It was a mess. Next thing you know, instant Wiffle yard.

Suck it, Trebek!

Backyard Makeover

Things that don't suck: The Lego Rule

2007-04-10T07:57:00.001-07:00

As a gamer, I know the day will come when I dissuade my kids from playing videogames. However, unlike my mother, it's not going to be done by saying - "You're going to rot your brain!"
over and over again...

This article seems to take a good approach, something the author calls the "Lego Rule". I think that some of these games are actually healthy for kids to play - they thrust cognitive reasoning upon them - especially some of the new PS3 titles that are coming out, that cannot be won without true team cooperation.

Things that suck: Project A13

2007-03-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

This dude is a bigger douchebag than A-Rod.

http://www.projecta13.com

Things that suck: These guys

2007-03-07T15:34:00.000-08:00

Better luck next year, Coach Calhoun. You got cheated by these do-nothings. How is a team supposed to win games when A) nobody has the balls to take it to the rim, and B) you can't hit 60% of your free throws?!

Jeff Adrien has to be pissed - if these guys played with half his mental toughness, he'd be talking to an agent right now about landing a second-round selection in the NBA draft.

Dear Hasheem Thabeet: You're bigger than everyone else on the court. Just stand up straight on defense, Jake Voskhul style. And this offseason, do us all a favor and work on your footwork on offense. You're a soccer player, it should come easy to you. DUNK, DUNK, DUNK next year.

Things that suck: Devil's in the details

2007-03-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sure by now you've all heard about and seen the new Topps baseball card that's generating all the buzz these days. But just in case, click on the card for a larger version - there are two things wrong with this picture:

President Bush doesn't have horns growing out of his head.
Derek Jeter's stance is reversed.
Mickey Mantle doesn't have a drink in his hand.

I want to make one comment about this card. One. I'm sorry, but I could have done a better job using PhotoShop to superimpose those two. I mean, seriously! The President has ONE ARM!

Things that suck: Sellouts

2007-03-05T08:47:00.000-08:00

John Ashcroft, sent a letter last week to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales that blasted the upcoming merger between XM and Sirius. Which is fine, it's his right to do so if he thinks that the merger will hurt the consumer in the end. However, as is the case much of the time, there were other reasons for his passionate plea to strike the deal down:

[Ashcroft] approached XM in the days after the merger was announced offering the firm his consulting services, a spokesman for XM said, according to a report in The Wall Street Journal.
The spokesman said XM declined Ashcroft's offer to work as a lobbyist for the company, the Journal reported.
Ashcroft was subsequently hired by the National Association of Broadcasters, which is fiercely opposed to the merger. On its behalf, he conducted a review of the effects on competition if the two satellite radio companies were allowed to merge, the Journal reported.

Sellouts! Let the eeeeagles soooar...like they've never sooooared before...

Things that suck: Being a Thurmond

2007-02-25T07:43:00.000-08:00

This week, the Rev. Al Sharpton was contacted by geneaologists and told that he was the descendant of a slave owned by the family of Strom Thurmond. He was obviously taken by surprise by this news.

Some of Thurmond's relatives said the connection also came as a surprise to them. A niece, Ellen Senter, said she would speak with Sharpton if he were interested.
"I doubt you can find many native South Carolinians today whose family, if you traced them back far enough, didn't own slaves," said Senter, 61, of Columbia, S.C. She added: "And it is wonderful that (Sharpton) was able to become what he is in spite of what his forefather was."

Correction: what YOUR forefather was. You racist.

Things that don't suck: Being Green-er

2007-02-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

D.J. shut down Magic in '84, hit a game-winning jumper in '85, and sank a layup in '86. Larry Bird once called him "the best I've ever played with."

"I'm a winner," he once said. "I put my heart into the game. I hate to lose. I accept it when it comes, but I still hate it. That's the way I am."

I remember playing hoops on the playground in the 7th grade - while the other guys were yelling out, "Mag-ic!" or "Bird!" and throwing a behind the back pass or shooting a fadeaway jumper, I was the one yelling "D.J.!" and driving the lane. I would miss about 80% of the time, but that's not the point. Dennis Johnson was and always will be one of my all-time favorite players. Boston would never have hung their banners in '84 and '86 without him and his tenacious overall play. RIP #3.

Things that don't suck: Being Green

2007-02-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

For the first time in years, I'm excited about the NBA Slam Dunk contest. The panel of judges are all-time great dunkers: Michael Jordan, Dr. J, Dominique Wilkins, Vince Carter...there's a good 15 minutes of sick clips for you...

After last year's fiasco, the NBA needs someone to really promote. Enter Gerald Green. I don't care what Kermit the Frog says - it's easy being Green when your vertical is 46". This kid is going to wow the crowd Saturday, and it's going to be fun to watch.

Gerald should come out next year wearing #17 - as in, Green 17.

Seriously, I'm starting to get really excited for next year. We need to keep losing. We need that #1 pick. We're either getting Greg Oden or Kevin Durant - maybe both if we trade Jefferson or Pierce. Oden, combined with a 20-year old Gerald Green, is a scary proposition for the other teams in the league. You heard it here first. Might not win one next year. But it's coming. We're positioned for a huge breakthrough. The dynasty will return!

Things that don't suck: Samuel Adams

2007-02-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

Samuel Adams announced today that in 3 weeks, a new beer glass will become available to the general public via the samueladams.com store. 4 glasses for $30. Samuel Adams claims to have spared no expense on R&D for the new glass design - it's considered "a full-sensory experience" for beer enthusiasts.

As you can see, the glass features a keg-like belly, and a big mouth, just like me.

Even though I think it's pretty cool, I think I'll pass - it looks delicious, but with such a wide opening at the top, you're going to inevitably end up with beer froth on the nose after your second or third sip. Beer belongs in zee mouth.

Either way, Samuel Adams is a pretty cool company in my book - they're really passionate about what they do, and taking the time to care about the little things is what makes customers happy. They get it. I really like that about them.

Things that suck: StubHub

2007-02-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

So, I just received an email from the Boston Red Sox - it informed me that unfortunately, I hadn't been selected to receive an opportunity to purchase tickets to Opening Day, Patriots Day, or any of the Yankees games for the upcoming 2007 season.

The biggest reason why I'm not able to attempt to go to a game this year? StubHub. StubHub is an online ticket broker. They're one of Inc. Magazine's Top 10 growing businesses. And they're scalpers. Why doesn't the federal government intervene? I mean, at least uphold existing laws that say that you can't profit more than 10% on tickets you have purchased for yourself!

It's gotten so bad that StubHub is selling Monster Seat tickets for $2300 - that's a 2000% increase - that's not a misprint - and they're not even on sale yet: http://www.stubhub.com/boston-red-sox-tickets/?ticket_id=81677572

StubHub must be stopped. The government needs to intervene and figure out a way to fairly distribute tickets to fans. Screw the steroids scandal at this point - this is worse.

UPDATE: Read the comments section for a rather large "clarification"

Things that don't suck: Calling in sick

2007-02-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

Cough! Cough!

Paul Pierce is calling in sick today...and something tells me that he might have to go on short-term disability in the very near future. If the Celtics ever want to win an NBA Championship with Paul Pierce, they're going to have to secure a #1 overall pick, then trade it for a veteran stud.

Personally, I like Paul Pierce. I think he's exemplified what it means to be a Boston Celtic, and he genuinely likes playing here. Earlier this season, I said to trade him, sell high. Lose some games, get Oden at #1 overall by trading Pierce for even more ping pong balls.

Now? I've changed my tune. I say we let Paul ride the pine for the rest of the year, recouperate to 100%, then make some major moves with that #1 overall pick. Green 17, here we come.

Things that don't suck: Nice surprises

2007-01-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

Hey, at least we get to know the ending to these shows - too bad they couldn't have done this for Invasion.

While at TCA, [ABC Entertainment President] Mr. McPherson also said that freshman dramas "The Nine" and "Six Degrees," which were pulled from the schedule earlier this season, will likely return to finish their runs before May. But "Day Break" will only be available ABC.com.

For anyone interested, Day Break was a great show. Taye Diggs should be an action star, he was great in that.

Things that suck: Stirring the pot

2007-01-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Brian McGrory is a moron. He's crying like a little baby today, making something out of nothing. All year long, Bill Belichick has endured a lot of unseemly media attention - his kid's smoking pot, he's committing adultery, he's feuding with Eric Mangini....so at the end of the game, when he pushed the camera guy out of his way...could anyone blame him? Of course, McGrory looks at this a bit differently:

Belichick, in that brief instant in Foxborough, went after a guy's livelihood. He shoved a piece of metal equipment perilously close to Davis's eye. There's not a single member of the Globe's star-studded stable of photographers who hasn't been jostled while doing the job, but usually it's by some self-important minion, not by the big man himself.

All he did was push the guy out of his way. Quit making it out to be more than it was, you sissy.

Things that don't suck: Grudge matches

2007-01-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

Week 2: New England 24, New York 17
Week 10: New York 17, New England 14
Week 18: ?

This is going to be a great football game, even if my Jets lose. I know one thing: regardless of the outcome, I'm making chili, and I'm drinking cold beer on Sunday.

Things that don't suck: David slaying Goliath

2007-01-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

I love Boise State this morning.

For those who haven't seen it - last night's Fiesta Bowl - Boise State (12-0) vs. Oklahoma (11-3) - was the greatest football game ever played.

Boise State, a huge underdog coming into the game, took a 14-0 lead after the first 94 seconds - basically telling the Sooners, okay, we're for real, let's tango. OU comes back in the second half, ties up the game at 28-28, and with a minute to go in the game, they intercept a pass and take it in for the lead, 35-28. Everyone in the stadium is deflated...then with 14 seconds to go in the game, Boise comes back out and runs a 55-yard hook & ladder play - WR catches, starts cutting across the field, dishes to another WR running the opposite direction. Tie game, 35-35.

So that brings us to OT. Each team gets a shot at the endzone from the 25. OU unleashes The Freak, Adrian Peterson, who scores on a 25-yard TD run. Extra point: good. OU up 42-35. Boise comes out and runs a play on 4th and 2 - they put the QB in motion as a WR, and the RB throws the TD - making it 42-41. And instead of taking the chip shot, an automatic extra point to send it to 2OT...David finds the stone to slay Goliath:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmy1jQRaqGw

It was by far the best football game I've ever seen, college, pro, or otherwise.

Things that suck: Being a total moron

2006-12-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the Herald today?! This photo was on the front page - that's no lightsaber.

This moron paid $360k to build a house in North Attleboro. If that wasn't bad enough, he built it so close to power lines that light bulbs light up without being plugged in!

Dude, you should've just moved to a nice plot of land in either Rhode Island or New Hampshire! Enjoy your lowered sperm count and higher cost of living!

Things that suck: Being thrown out on your Hynie

2006-12-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

RIP, Godfather of Soul. This story seems pretty ridiculous - James Brown seems to be getting in a posthumous "eff you" after having his lawyer drop the hammer on his wife (Tomi Rae Hynie) by locking her out of his estate on Christmas...although all is not as it seems. No wait, it does - because she seems like a gold-digger who married an old geezer for his money.

"This is my home," Hynie told a reporter outside the house. "I don't have any money. I don't have anywhere to go."

Umm...you mean, other than your house a few blocks away? Finally, a gold digger gets what is coming to her! Now, I know James Brown was an a-hole to women, but gold diggers like this are just as bad. The guy was in the hospital for days, and she didn't even come to visit...the next thing you know she's trying to get into his estate the day he died - on Christmas!

Ho ho ho, HO.

Things that suck: Losing a legend

2006-12-13T12:52:00.000-08:00

Peter Boyle died today, he was 71 years young. He was my favorite comedic actor, of all time. When he played the monster in Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein, he had me hooked. When it was announced that he was to play Ray Barrone's father in Everybody Loves Raymond, I was ecstatic. He was lightning in a bottle.

I'm glad that they ended Raymond when they did; he was apparently in failing health, and that was part of the reason for the series ending after 10 years.

Peter Boyle was the greatest - and he leaves behind some irreplaceable work. RIP.

Things that suck: Being a Jets fan

2006-12-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

So, I'm in my glory today, around 3:30pm - the Dolphins are beating the shit out of the Patsies, my Jets are coming up at 4:15pm versus the Bills - playoff chances on the line, if they win, they're only a game out of first...and then it happens.

Actually, "it" happened the day I became a Jets fan. For some reason, I'm always optimistic, like this is some stupid effing prank some is playing on me - it's not like the Red Sox, there's no fate involved, there's no losing with any purpose. Okay guys, I get it, joke's on me! You can come out now!

Final score: Bills 31 - Jets 13. The Jets knew the ramifications...and still lost to JP Losman. At home.

I root for the biggest losers on the planet. Our pride and joy, Joe Namath, a ballsy QB with so much swagger in his day that he scored chicks while in a mink coat gets on ESPN, shitfaced, and professes his beergoggled love for Suzy Kolber during an interview. Joe, just to remind you, this is Suzy Kolber:

...and yes, you are the king of our kingdom. A kingdom of losers.

But I can't drop them. It seems like every year, they have that game in which they've once again instilled a shred of dignity, which gets confused by the fan base as confidence...it's reminiscent of my beloved Hartford Whalers. But at least the Whalers had their own theme song (Brass Bononza), that played after every goal. The Jets don't even play in their own stadium.

Hey, wait a minute - we do have something unique: we have Fireman Ed! Wait til next year!

Things that suck: the NBA Eastern Conference

2006-11-27T09:59:00.000-08:00

Team	W	L	%
Boston	5	8	.385
New Jersey	5	8	.385
Philadelphia	5	8	.385
New York	5	10	.333
Toronto	4	9	.308

Look at these pathetic records. Seriously, if the Celtics send me a newsletter touting their current "forst" (as in, worst + first) place standing in the Eastern Conference, I'm not going to go to a single game this year. Oh wait a second, I wasn't going to, anyway.

Bring back the parquet floor. Bring back seats that gave you lines in your hips from digging into you for 4 quarters. Get rid of those stupid dancers. Why couldn't they have done a Camden Yards-type redesign, keeping the old school style in fashion?

This team is fun to watch - in spurts. They need two more pieces - a dominant center (please trade Paul Pierce for a #1 pick, and land us Greg Oden, Danny), and a coach who knows how to execute a run & fun offense, like the Phoenix teams of the early 90s.

Things that suck: Robert Gariedy of Haverhill

2006-11-08T06:54:00.000-08:00

“Kerry Healey for the White House!” proclaimed Robert Gariedy of Haverhill as he pumped his fist in the air. “She’ll make a great president one day. Stop Hillary (Clinton) in ’08!”

Congratulations, Deval Patrick! You stomped that loser!

Things that don't suck: 1/20/2009

2006-10-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

I can't wait until this idiot is not our president any longer. Dubya signed a bill today that will essentially allow him to oversee the construction of a fence along the border. Some facts about this bold new project:

It's a 700 mile fence, on a 2100 mile border.
The "down payment" is $1.2 billion.
The president of the National Border Patrol Council, a union representing Border Patrol agents, said "A fence will slow people down by a minute or two, but if you don't have the agents to stop them it does no good. We're not talking about some impenetrable barrier."

So, we're building a chainlink fence that covers about 1/3 of the border, that for some ridiculous reason costs billions of dollars.

The only illegal immigrants we should concern ourselves with are militant Islamic terrorists in sleeper cells. How did we let this happen? Why is he our president?!

Things that suck: Being out of order

2006-10-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Who is really out of order here?

"I am Christopher Worthington," the man said. "I am the father of the victim."

"You have no right to speak out during this trial," Nickerson said. "You have no right as a question is being asked to say 'objection.'"

"If you repeated that conduct sir you will be forfeiting your right to attend this trial."

"I'm sorry your honor," Christopher Worthington said.

"So I am," the judge responded.

Things that don't suck: Dexter

2006-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

One good thing about RCN is that I'm able to exploit a hole in their HDTV system - I'm getting Showtime for free on HD channel 176. This means that I'm able to watch Dexter - a show so perfectly executed, so brilliantly acted, that even though I DVR, I can't miss the first run of the show - ever.

Michael C. Hall (formerly of Six Feet Under) plays the title role of Dexter Morgan, a blood splatter crime scene specialist for the Miami-Dade PD...with a dirty secret. He's a serial killer. A foster kid, his father (a detective) figured out his son's addiction to blood at an early age, but was able to influence him to only take it out on criminals. He is first and foremost a serial killer; his job, his relationships...all masks that he wears. And yet, you empathize with him - you relate to him, even though he has this brutal, disgusting side.

Hall's commitment to his character makes this show unbeatable, and a certain Emmy nomination for best drama and best actor in a drama are forthcoming.

You can see the first two episodes of Dexter here:
http://www.sho.com/site/dexter/sneakpeek/home.do?paidsearch=snipsgoogle

Things that still don't suck: Borat

2006-10-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

As the director of The 40 Year Old Virgin put it, "It was the comedic equivalent of listening to Sgt. Pepper's for the first time. Absolute genius." Here are the first 4 minutes of the movie. I already snarfed coffee at work.

Things that don't suck: The King of Comedy

2006-10-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

I love Jerry Seinfeld. He was at the Mohegan Sun's 10th anniversary party this past weekend - the Herald reported back with some of his routine:

On Iraq: “Is it all that sand and no beach that makes everyone in the Middle East crazy?”
On terrorists: “My favorite suicide bomber is the guy who blows himself up without hurting anyone else. Kind of like Jihad E. Coyote.”
On cereal: “Who came up with the name Life? Why don’t they just call it Almighty God. Or Almighty God with raisins. If you don’t like it, you can go to hell.”
On America’s coffee jones: “I know people who are stopping for coffee on the way to Starbucks, or Fourbucks as my friend calls it.”
On cremation: “It’s like they’re trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body, scatter the ashes and let’s pretend this whole thing never happened.”
On technology: “E-mail is the lowest form of human communication. It’s ‘I don’t want to see your face. I don’t want to hear your voice.’ ”

And speaking of technology, Seinfeld gave a shout-out to buddy, actor Matthew Broderick, who was sitting in the audience. Jerry mocked Mr. Sarah Jessica Parker for having to have the latest whiz-bang techno-toys but Broderick begged to differ.

“He thinks I am like that because I use a Blackberry and a cell phone,” the actor told us at the after-party at Ultra 88. “So I text message. I told him I could bring him to places where he could buy some of these things. You know, like (the) Verizon store.”

Things that suck: RCN

2006-10-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

You won't believe the customer service nightmare going on over at RCN - and it's not just for me, it's for all RCN customers in the Boston area.

Recently, RCN upgraded the firmware (software that resides on your cable box) for all of their customers in the Boston area. There's a new menu, upgraded browsing options, etc.

I have a DVR, which allows you to record & save programming, and pause live television. RCN charges their customers an additional $15/month for this service. In the process of the firmware upgrade, they wiped all existing programming from everyone's DVR. In addition, I was not able to use my DVR for a week.

Okay, now while that sounds pretty bad...wait until you hear this.

I called RCN to find out what was wrong with my service, and an automated voice greeted me, telling me that the wait times were in excess of 60 minutes. I figured, "Okay, there's probably a lot of people expeiencing the same problem, and they're working on a solution." 3 days later, after no such solution appeared, I called again. I was told then that my wait time would be in excess of 71 minutes. I waited on the phone for 45 minutes, and gave up.

Two days after that, I called, attempting to cancel my service. In order to cancel my existing service, I was told that my expected wait time would be 60 minutes. I waited on the phone for 35 minutes, thinking that my luck would change, that someone might pick up the phone a bit sooner, to no avail. The next day, I called again, same deal. I called again minutes later, this time choosing the option for "Adding new service or enhancing current services." Within minutes, I was greeted by a friendly customer service agent. In order to cancel service:

I could not visit a local RCN dropoff point, where they would be making me drop off my equipment after cancellation.
I could not cancel my service through this particular department.
I could not cancel my service online.
I could not cancel my service in writing.
I could only cancel my service through the automated telephone system, between the hours of 8am-5pm.

Essentially, they are telling me that I can only cancel my service if I call the local call center from work, and wait over an hour on the phone to speak with someone (mind you, the local call center is in Pennsylvania - not so local). I am not being offered a refund for my DVR service. And the only way to speak with someone is if I'm willing to pay for additional services.

I'm sure I'm not the only person experiencing this terrible service. RCN needs to treat their customers better than this.

Things that suck: Messy divorces

2006-10-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

Man, I wonder if Paul McCartney's kids are ever going to get married. After a much-ballyhooed romance with his first wife, Linda...his second attempt at marriage was abysmal - at best. I'm betting that he was playing Sgt. Pepper's backwards right before this happened:

In April 2006, as the marriage neared collapse, Sir Paul allegedly tipped red wine from a bottle over his wife's head and then threw what remained in his glass at her.
The divorce papers claim that Sir Paul 'then reached to grab the respondent's (Miss Mills's) wine glass, and broke the bowl of the glass from the stem.
'He then lunged at the respondent with the broken, sharp stem of the wine glass, which cut and pierced the respondent's arm just below the elbow, and it began to bleed profusely.
'He proceeded to manhandle the respondent, flung her into her wheelchair and wheeled it outside, screaming at her to apologise for "winding him up".' Miss Mills 'still bears the scars of the assault', the papers say.

"Hey Dad, I told you so." - Stella McCartney

Things that don't suck: Being "It"

2006-10-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Dumbassachusetts has finally gone too far. Willett Elementary School in Attleboro just outlawed "Tag" at recess. So are all other chasing games, apparently, including flag football.

How should kids respond? Like this kid! >>
Breakin' the law! Breakin' the law!

I'll leave the comedy to Jon Stewart, because no doubt he's going to have a field day with this story tonight on The Daily Show.

Instead, here are my top-ten favorite games that I played in grammar school:

Red Rover. Run as hard as you can to break the chain. Nothing like a self-inflicted clothesline to get you ready for math.
Touch Football. Let's be honest. This is push football. As in, push as hard as you can, and watch the guy with the ball go airborne.
Dodge Ball. The best part of this game are the specially-designed balls with traction. You get hit in the face with a spinner, you're raspberry-faced for a week.
King Of The Mountain. I loved this game, but it always involved a pile of dirt. We played on the jungle gym, until Andrew Bourgard broke his ankle.
Wall Ball. You throw a tennis ball at the wall, and if your opponent doesn't catch it with one hand, he tried to run and touch the wall before you can hurl the ball at him as hard as you can, at his head. Of course, 9 times out of 10, they touched the wall and when he turned around, you hit him square in the balls anyway.
Chicken. It's hard to find someone that's light yet strong, or good at grappling, but when you find a winning combination, it's very rewarding to see your opponent face-first in the dirt.
Chump Whump. This is basically a game where someone grabs the ball, and you teckle them. Then another moron grabs the ball, and you tackle them. And so on.
Kick the Can. We placed a plastic soda bottle in the middle of the playing field for this one, for distance and sound effects. The best was when you kicked the bottle right into a defender's face.
Capture the Flag. This was by far my favorite game, as it involved both raw speed and stealthiness.
Hitman. We had a special needs kid named Stanley who we used to pay off to pull people off the jungle gym. He lived on a farm and watched pigs get slaughtered, so it didn't really seem all that bad to him.

Bottom line: If you want to outlaw chasing games, move to France. This isn't about bullying, it's about kids roughhousing at recess.

Things that don't suck: Happy endings

2006-10-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

Back on September 13, I posted a link to a story about Tim Cahill, a kid from Southie who was the victim of a brutal crime that was intended for someone else. I was psyched to see an article in today's Herald that details the aftermath; Tim went through invasive surgery, getting 25 staples in his chest & torso, but it seems as if he's turned out well - he's alive, and not only that - he's already giving back:

After the endless supply of food, flowers, cards and prayer medals, those teens who conducted a vigil at BMC for their mentor asked what else they could do.
“That’s when we thought that a blood drive might be a great a idea,” Maureen Cahill said.
Tim smiled from underneath his baseball cap and softly said, “I needed some way to give back the blood I stole,” he chuckled, “or like my nurse, Patty Harrison put it, ‘The blood I borrowed.’ ”
So, this afternoon, as a way of thanking the community that surrounded him in such life and guided him home on a sea of prayers, Tim Cahill will be at the South Boston Neighborhood House’s Doc and Mary Tynan Senior Center at 136 H Street, at the corner of H and E Sixth streets, to preside over a blood drive.

It's encouraging to me to know that people like this exist.

Things that suck: Not knocking on wood

2006-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

This is from a rather sad article about Cory Lidle, featured on the front page of ESPN.com. It was written by Alan Schwartz, who befriended the pitcher recently. Cory Lidle seemed like the nicest guy, one of those guys you're glad to see make it big. Truly a sad story.

"Where do you live?" he asked me, knowing I lived in Manhattan.
"Upper East Side," I said. "90th and Third."
"Dude" -- Cory was from Southern California -- "you should really come up with me. We can fly right past your apartment building. You've never seen Manhattan 'til you've flown right up the East River. It's beautiful. We can do it one day before a game."
He wasn't kidding. Sufficiently convinced -- and, frankly, flattered -- I mentioned how I've always longed for the guts to skydive. But I had a baby boy in May. I will barely roll craps dice, let alone those.
"My wife would kill me," I said with a wink. "Small planes, you know."
I'd said that a little too flippantly, I guess, because Cory got somewhat serious.
"Totally exaggerated," he said. "You only hear about the crashes."
Having made his point, he said more lightly, "The kind of plane I have will be safer than the cars on the FDR Drive below us."

Things that don't suck: The 2006-07 Boston Celtics

2006-10-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

Anyone see that pre-season game last night against the Cavaliers? I am loving this team. They remind me of the UConn championship team in 2004 - always pushing the ball, getting out on the fast break, converting turnovers. Here's a quick player analysis:

Gerald Green. Played above the rim last night; seemed pretty good on defense - the experience he gained at the John Lucas Camp in Texas this summer looks like it has paid off. He had a couple of those "Nawwww!" moments but the real encouraging sign was watching him move without the ball. This kid isn't going to be good; he's already good. He's going to be great.
Rajon Rondo. Wow. I have never been happier to see Marcus Williams go to another team. Rajon Rondo was so quick on defense that at one point it felt as if he had 10 steals (he had 5 - not sure how they were counting). He created havoc for the Cavs - created turnovers, ran the fast break - fantastic looking player, Ainge made a great move to go with him. He doesn't have to shoot 50% to be effective. Got a lot of Cousy comparisons last night - wasn't flashy unless it was necessary.
Kendrick Perkins. When Perk blocks a shot this year, he does it like Bill Russell. He tips the shot, either to himself or a teammate, rather than go after it, Alonzo Mourning-like, for style points. He played great, and will be a huge factor if he stays healthy.
Al Jefferson. Al has a baby hook (the best shot in the game), and they can't block it. He's also tenacious on the boards, and his energy is contagious. Looks a lot like the Chief.
Sebastian Telfair. This guy can score. He's not as quick as Rondo, but can put the ball on the floor and drive to the hole better than anyone on the team. He was a steal, as far as I'm concerned.

This team has much, much more potential than any C's team in years past. I haven't been this excited to watch a team since the Bird era ended. Jump on the bandwagon now, folks, because in 3 years or less, we're talking Green 17.

Things that don't suck: HD sports marketing opportunities

2006-10-04T05:13:00.000-07:00

Josh posted a good piece this morning about the NHL pursuing fantasy sports as a great marketing opportunity. I have a feeling, however, that the "next big thing" for the NHL is going to be HDTV, and they can't afford to miss this golden opportunity. In 2009, the FCC is flipping the switch, making HDTV the broadcast standard, supplanting the current "square" NTSC format.

The impact that this should have on sports like hockey and soccer is huge. Everyone knows just how exciting a hockey game is, when you're at the game. Hockey is a hard sport to watch on NTSC-TV. Most of the time, you're not able to see a play fully develop. With HDTV, you're able to watch the entire play, including longer passes, big hits that set up a breakaway opportunity, and substitutions. Besides that, HDTV is sharper, with brighter colors - and NHL uniforms are sharp, colorful, bold - it's a perfect match.

The NHL should invest a majority of their marketing dollars in promoting the "new" NHL, in widescreen format. Unlike other sports, where they change the rules to improve the game (see, defense in basketball, penalties in football, etc) - hockey can just focus on people being able to see the game. It's an awakening. A new beginning. And this is coming from a Whalers fan.

Things that suck: DVR overload

2006-10-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, so just to preface this, I made a terrible call earlier this year when I gave a positive review of the HBO show, "Lucky Louie". I said it didn't suck. It sucked. It had lots of potential - it was edgy, different - seemed to have a soul. Then Louie used the word "c_nt" in a show about 50 times. Sucky Louie.

I am watching too many goddamn shows this year, and it's all because of my DVR. I love my DVR, but it's making me watch too much TV. This year, there seems to be more 24-like serial TV shows that require you to remember the details from the previous episode.

I'm having a hard time with two shows in particular: Kidnapped, starring Timothy Hutton, and Vanished. Both shows center around a kidnapping. One is a senator's wife; the other, a rich businessman's son. Both feature an older guy with a gun, who is trying to kill off major characters. I got them confused while watching Vanished last night. My wife was asking about the guy's motives, and I said, "Well, he killed the daughter's roommate, and noone seems to notice." There's a good reason for that. Wrong show.

So, I've given up on Kidnapped. I might keep recording them, and watch them at the end of the year or something. But my brain is fried from too much TV. Here are some quick reviews of the shows I DVR on just Monday:

Monday:

8PM - The Class. A+
This is the best comedy, bar-none, on TV right now, and if you're missing it, you're missing the beginning of the next Friends. The difference? This show was funny from the start. Friends took awhile for the characters to grow on you. There is at least one side-splitting moment in each of the first three shows.

Note: Watch the pilot episode - it sets everything up - the jokes are much funnier when put into context.

8:30PM - How I Met Your Mother. B-
This show is getting funnier, but these actors suck at playing drunk. I mean, horrible. Which is probably why they're never drunk at the bar they frequent, which is good. Probably the same reason nobody was ever drunk at Cheers. Doogie Howser is hi-lar-i-ous. Or should I say, "Legendary." The whole Ted-Robin storyline bores me to death.

9PM - Vanished. B
A big development happened this week that raised the grade from B-. The character actors in place seem authentic, which is huge for me.

10PM - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. A
The only thing I don't like about this show is the fact that Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford are going to end up splitting votes for Best Actor in a Drama, and neither will win. Superbly acted, and the storylines are fascinating.

Others:
Two and a Half Men. A. Never not funny. The kid is a riot.
The New Adventures of Old Christine. B+. Julia Louis-Dreyfus has more of a personality this year.
CSI Miami. B+. David Caruso should be thanking South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone for unintentionally reviving his career back in 1996. He's great as Horacio Cane.

Things that don't suck: Borat

2006-09-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sacha Baron Cohen is the funniest man on the planet. I first saw him on HBO - he played Ali G in "Da Ali G Show" in which he skewered government officials & other pseudo celebrities in faux interviews - and I thought he was pretty funny. But now? Now he's legendary. He's morphed into Borat, a Kazakhstan journalist. The character is pure genius - think, Peter Sellers, Andy Kaufman - but better. From Wikipedia:

In order to pass himself off as a foreigner, Sacha writes his alleged notes in Hebrew, and uses occasional Polish words (Dziękuję thank you, Jak się masz? how are you?, Dzień Dobry good day, Przepraszam sorry, though never in the correct situations) when speaking to people—not using Kazakh or Russian (the state and official languages of Kazakhstan). This has nearly had Borat exposed as a fake in midfilming. He has also lapsed into Hebrew while purporting to sing the Kazakhstani national anthem (in fact a simple reciting of major Kazakhstani cities) at a Savannah Sand Gnats game. In Hebrew, he kept on repeating a famous folk song: קום בחור עצל וצא לעבודה (kum bachur atzel ve'tze la'avoda) [...] קוקוריקו קוקוריקו התרנגול קרא (kookooriku kookooriku ha'tarnegol kara) ("get up lazy guy and go to work [...] cock a doodle do the cock has crowed"), and also called Kazakhstan a "hole" (חור). The hair and moustache are real, and it takes Baron Cohen six weeks to grow them. The suit has never been washed, which may cause him to smell "foreign" to those he encounters, adding to the apparent authenticity of his character.

This guy is so immersed in his character, that to outsiders, he seems completely authentic - so much so that the Kazahkstan government has had to repeatedly release PR statements that refute his claims! From the Globe:

Kazakh officials have sought to raise the profile of the oil-rich former Soviet republic and assure the West that, contrary to Borat's claims, theirs is not a nation of drunken anti-Semites who treat their women worse than their donkeys.
Shortly after Nazarbayev dedicated a statue in front of the Kazakh embassy, Borat denounced an official Kazakh publicity campaign running in U.S. magazines as "disgusting fabrications" orchestrated by neighboring Uzbekistan.

Shortly after Nazarbayev dedicated a statue in front of the Kazakh embassy, Borat denounced an official Kazakh publicity campaign running in U.S. magazines as "disgusting fabrications" orchestrated by neighboring Uzbekistan."If there is one more item of Uzbek propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for baking bagels, or export over 300 tonnes of human pubis per year, then we will be left with no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults," Borat said.

Check out his website - so bad it's good:
http://www.borat.tv/

Things that don't suck: Craig

2006-09-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

The owner and founder of Craigslist was recently asked if he had considered selling the online classified giant, after analysts projected the value of MySpace in 3 years at $15 billion. His exact response:

"Who needs the money? We don't really care," Craig Newmark said in an interview at the Picnic '06 Cross Media Week conference here.
"If you're living comfortably, what's the point of having more?" Newmark said.

This guy is one of the reasons I still have hope for our society. When I win Powerball (I'm moving to NH, so I can say that now), I will live comfortably, but not in excess, and will dedicate my life to helping others, in some way. Bank on it. No gated driveways for me.

Things that don't suck: Kicking the crap out of Fox News

2006-09-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

If you have any doubts about Bill Clinton, and what he meant for this country while in office, all you have to do is watch both of these videos, start to finish, and contrast them against the supreme idiot in office now.

1) He admits his mistakes, because he doesn't want to make them again. The current president, without being glib, won't even admit that me mispronounces "nuclear" every single time.

Yes, sure, I know about Monica Lewinsky, and the phrase "it depends on what your definition of 'is' is." But when it comes down to things that really matter, like protecting our people...F's all across the board for H.W.'s son. No, no terror attack since 9/11, my NeoCon friends...lest we forget - our soldiers are our people, too.

2) He supported people from all reaches of the political spectrum, entrusting this nation's counter-terrorism security on the best man for the job. A conservative. Richard Clarke's book is a must read.

3) He is eloquent, even when angry, and doesn't take shit from anybody, even Fox News. In contrast, Bush won't do interviews. They make him look stupid.

Part I of Clinton vs. Fox News:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DI7u-TytRU&mode=related&search=

Part II of Clinton vs. Fox News:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L2513JFJsY&mode=related&search=

Things that don't suck: Torii's Stories

2006-09-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

There's a rumor going around that Torii Hunter could replace Coco Crisp in centerfield for the Red Sox next year. He's one of the best defensive CF's in the league, and a clutch hitter to boot. I was hoping they'd replace Damon with him last year in a trade.

Hunter played instructional league ball with David Ortiz, and has a funny story about him:

"Here's this 6-foot-4 guy, wearing size 91/2 shoes," said Hunter of his Instructional League encounter. "I'm like, 'What's wrong?' He said, 'My feet are killing me, man.' Every game he complained about this for a week and a half. Finally, he showed me his shoe. I said, 'You don't wear a 91/2.' So there it was, 1997 and he finally figured out he wears a 121/2. His feet were curling up in a 91/2 all that time."

Things that don't suck: Bringing on Bubba

2006-09-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

The Herald is reporting that Deval Patrick is wasting no time in bringing in the big guns, announcing that the best President in the past 30 years, President William Jefferson Clinton, will be visiting the Bay State next month to campaign for his former employee. Kerry Healey's campaign manager released a few names that may stump for Healey:

Barbara Bush and First Lady Laura Bush, Republican former New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani and New York Gov. George Pataki are among the names being tossed around to bring star power to her campaign.

So, for all you scoring it at home, that's the bigot mother of the worst president in the history of the United States, the wife of the worst president in the history of the United States, and two New Yorkers. Nothing says "Massachusetts" like that group.

Things that suck: Good deeds, punished

2006-09-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

We are looking to buy our first house, and around here, it's impossible to justify the prices that sellers are demanding, even in this weakened market. It's downright piggish. So, like thousands of other families living in Massachusetts, we started to look for alternatives to living in our "comfort zone". We've looked out as far as Shrewsbury & Ashland to the west, Rhode Island to the south...we're probably going to end up heading north, to southern New Hampshire.

Along the way, however, we looked at places in areas such as Framingham, Braintree, and Quincy - in questionable sections of town where you can get into a house for just over $300k, and I remember thinking to myself, "You know, no matter where we live, our children are going to end up fine. We're going to raise them right, they're going to learn the value of helping others, they're going to learn to keep their noses out of trouble."

So this week, when I learned about the story of Timmy Cahill, it sent chills up and down my spine - and gave our house hunt a lot more perspective. From the Boston Herald:

Timothy Cahill is as far removed from the sad and desperate world of a South Boston junkie as a Southie kid can get. Fact is, he works long hours at the South Boston Neighborhood House, trying to keep kids away from the abyss. He’s been coach, mentor, counselor and friend.

Still, Timmy Cahill, all of 25, was delivered to death’s door in the bright sunlight of Monday afternoon by a knife-wielding coward who mistook him for a Southie burnout with a long list of enemies.

It wasn’t the first time, friends said yesterday, that Timmy Cahill had been mistaken for one Joey Pano Jr. But this time, the lowlife who jumped out of a car on I Street, called him “Joey” and accused him of stealing a video game, didn’t wait to hear Timmy say, “You got the wrong guy.”

The knife tore through his liver and cut a main artery in his chest. Timmy was 20 feet from the Quencher Tavern, where his dad, Jimmy, a retired Boston firefighter, was waiting with his cheeseburger.

I can't imagine the anguish Jimmy Cahill felt, watching in horror as his son stumbled through the door, clutching his chest, blood spilling through his fingers. The elder Cahill had already gone through a traumatic event in his life: he had to retire from the BFD after suffering a massive stroke. And now, because of it, he was little help to Timmy, who would always be his little boy.

Due to the heroic efforts of the friends and family that constantly surround them, Tim has a good chance to survive. They quickly mobilized, and kept him from bleeding out. We'll probably hear about how Tim recovers, forgives his attacker, then returns to the life of service he undoubtedly owes to his upbringing. Essentially, a much greater good could come out of this. Or, conversely, he could die and become another tragic story with a moral.

Either way, I've decided that my life as a parent is just beginning, and the worrying that accompanies it is constant. So I'm going to find a nice house, on a nice street, in a nice town, and then lock my children in the basement.

Things that suck: When Lynndie England looks like a humanitarian

2006-09-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

Remember Lynndie England (pictured)? Can you imagine being treated worse than this? America turned over the reins (literally) to Abu Graihab prison this week, and conditions have dramatically gone down the toilet. From the London Telegraph:

"The Americans were better than the Iraqis. They treated us better," said Khalid Alaani, who was held on suspicion of involvement in Sunni terrorism.
Inside the 100-yard long cell block the smell of excrement was overpowering. Four to six prisoners shared each of the 12ft by 15ft cells along either side and the walls were smeared with filth. The cell block was patrolled by guards who carried long batons and shouted angrily at the prisoners to stand up.

Access to the part of the prison containing terrorism suspects was denied, but from that block came the sound of screaming. The screaming continued for a long time.

"I am sure someone was being beaten, they were screaming like they were being hit," the witness reported. "I felt scared, I was asking what was happening in the terrorist section.

"I heard shouting, like someone had a hot iron on their body, screams. The officer said they were just screaming by themselves. I was hearing the screams throughout the visit."

The witness said that even in the thieves' section prisoners were being treated badly. "Someone was shouting 'Please help us, we want the human rights officers, we want the Americans to come back'," he said.

Things that don't suck: Fung-Wah diehards

2006-09-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

So, the infamous Fung-Wah busline that travels between Boston and New York multiple times daily has finally pushed things too far. One of their buses capsized off of 290, injuring 34 people, and stirring the pot of all the major Boston news channels.

Fung-Wah has long been considered the psycho cousin to Greyhound & Bonanza; there are crazy rumors, from allowing passengers to drink on board, to driving in excess of 80mph, to having undocumented drivers. The latter two points have since come to the surface because of the accident. Last night on the news, I heard a couple of tidbits that I found interesting:

They've been able to ascertain the approximate speed the buses have been travelling, from EZ-Pass check-in times (another example of big brother watching your every move)
Channel 7 interviewed an awaiting passenger at South Station, who didn't help Fung-Wah's case: "I don't care what they say about Fung Wah, I'm still gonna ride. They HAUL ASS. You get to NYC in 4 hours - nobody can touch that."

Things that don't suck: Making Microsoft look worse

2006-09-06T07:32:00.001-07:00

Google does it again. Today marks the launch of Google News, a vigorous undertaking on the part of Google and hundreds of newspapers. I remember the days when archived newspaper content needed to be sorted through on microfiche, or sorted through on Lexis-Nexis. Not only does this content become instantaneously available, it offers an additional revenue stream for newspapers. In other words, everybody wins. See, Microsoft? It's always better to share.

You pay $3 for your research, and save 3 hours. Check.
Google makes money off of advertising and the agreement with the newspapers. Check.
The newspapers make money off of "pay-per-view" articles, most of which were previously inaccessible unless you had a few hours to spare. Check.

While Google has made newspapers "famously ambivalent" over the years, today's launch turns Google into the "newspaper fee-based archive’s best friend." Google is not taking a cut of any of the revenue generated. While fee-based archives are available at each source, aggregating them together makes it possible to expose archive material more effectively than ever before, and to a wider audience.

Things that don't suck: Improving our image abroad through meaningful service

2006-09-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

An op-ed piece in the Baltimore Sun delves into the subject of mandatory service abroad for all U.S. college students. Service, as opposed to semester abroad is a fantastic idea, for three reasons:

it would give students a better understanding of the world's cultural differences;

it would establish meaningful operations that actually help people in need;

it would promote one of the best reasons to love our country, a trait of the United States that the world rarely pays attention to: altruism.

From the article:

What if, in addition to touring museums and learning new languages, students did as Jan Eliasson, president of the U.N. General Assembly and foreign minister of Sweden, has suggested? He would like all American college students to spend a semester abroad not simply studying but conducting grass-roots service - staffing schools and clinics, improving water sanitation, developing environmentally sound agriculture and helping start local business ventures in the world's struggling nations.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/
bal-op.abroad30aug30,0,5329340.story?coll=bal-oped-headlines

Things that suck: General Motors

2006-08-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

General Motors is pulling their sponsorship from Survivor - of course, they're being ambiguous in their reasons why. Could it be...racism? This is why the media is dangerous. The shows chosen to be televised are graded on their ability to draw two things: audience, and sponsors. Scare a sponsor, get shut down. Make a splash, alarm the FCC.

Even edgier networks, such as FX, have this problem - however, their bottom line is quite different than the Big Four, so they've been able to fly under the radar. However, I predict that's about to change. Nip/Tuck and Rescue Me are really testing the boundaries this year.

The last time I got this aggravated was when ABC pulled Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, all because he questioned our reasons for going to war, and the methods we employed. That was a great show. When Maher moved to HBO, the show became superb. You hear exactly what the panelists are thinking. Wouldn't it be nice to hear a politician say exactly what was on their mind? Tune in to Real Time with Bill Maher folks, you'll find out.

For the last time: controversy is Ozzie Guillen calling a reporter a "fag". Controversy is Rush Limbaugh questioning Donovan McNabb's ability, saying the media affords him a longer leash because he's black. Controversy is not a show trying to debunk myths about race by dividing contestants by flavor.

GM is unable to take a stand because people on both sides of the fence are potential customers. Unfortunately for GM, they're totally discrediting people like me, who think that they're completely spineless. I will never buy a car from GM, ever. That's because GM is a piece of shit company with a history of selling out.

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/08/30/D8JQV2IO2.html

Things that don't suck: Spike Lee's "When the Levees Broke"

2006-08-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched When the Levees Broke, Spike Lee's documentary about Hurricane Katrina & its aftermath. It was the most riveting 4 hours of television I've seen this year. Best documentary, by far. Please watch/DVR this if you have HBO, or rent it if you don't. It's split up into 4 Acts.

One of the more interesting portions of the first hour was a group of interviews with people who swear they heard and felt an explosion, after the strongest winds had passed. That's when the levees broke, and water levels rose rapidly, emptying raw sewage into the streets.

I'd think that this was just another crazy consipracy theory, if it hadn't happened before. During the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927, the Army Corps of Engineers decided, along with local politicians, to blow the dams to save the high-rent French Quarter. This ended up minimizing damage to the most affluent areas of New Orleans, but decimated St. Bernard Parrish, killing hundreds of people, and leaving thousands homeless (all poor).

Now, I'm not saying that anyone blew the dams this time around. There is no solid proof (it would have washed away anyway). However - factor in the fact that it took the federal government 5 full days to get water to these people...women and children were literally dying in the heat, bodies & feces floating around in the flood waters...and you can see why people would think that way. According to Mike "Heckuva job, Brownie" Brown, the president was warned a full 2 days in advance of the storm that this was to be a disastrous event unlike any other.

During the entire documentary, Spike Lee makes a point to show that the government's lack of response linked directly to class. Not race. But with a population of about 68% African-American, you can see why Kanye West said those infamous words, "George Bush hates black people." It's an undeniable link. While visting "refugees" at the Houston Astrodome, his own mother said, "so many of the people in the arenas here, you know, were underprivileged anyway. This is working very well for them."

It's hard not to get upset, watching that documentary. I've decided to find out what more I can do - last year, I ran a canned food & supplies drive. I'm going to find out what more we can do, because the worst civil-engineering disaster in the history of the United States is far from over.

Things that suck: Edgar Stiles

2006-08-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

24 didn't deserve the Emmy for Best Drama this year. I base my opinion on one scene. In the Episode "6:00-7:00pm", Edgar Stiles dies in what can easily be called the worst dying sequence ever filmed. There's a poisonous gas that has been released, one that supposedly burns you from the inside-out, causing hideous levels of pain. Edgar gets trapped outside the Operations room, only to discover that the remaining CTU staff are inside, sealed off and protected.

Edgar Stiles and Chloe O'Brien were close friends, and it was revealed earlier in the day that he was romantically interested in her. Their final exchange should have been palpable. At the very least, they could have had a very Star Trek: Wrath of Khan moment - fingers sliding down the separating glass, breathlessly expressing a final goodbye.

Instead, it went a little something like this:

Edgar: Chlo-e! [Phhhllump!]

The fact that Lost wasn't even nominated, and 24 won the Emmy, even after a horrible piece of acting like this...it's such crap. You wouldn't mind, but the scene was considered a controversial, momentous turning point for the show...I doubt they're even watching television.

For the record: I love watching 24. But it didn't deserve an Emmy. Good lord. Hey at least Edgar's dead!

Things that suck: Losing ground, losing self

2006-08-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of Hurrican Katrina. On August 29, 2005, the storm ravaged the grand old city of New Orleans. I was just reading an article about the storm by New York Times reporter Sheila Bosworth, and her ending left me feeling pretty empty:

In "The Sun Also Rises," Mike Campbell explains how he went bankrupt: "Two ways. Gradually, and then suddenly." That's one answer to the question of how New Orleans collapsed. There are those who say New Orleans must have seen Hurricane Katrina and its deadly aftermath coming, must have been expecting the worst, given the conditions - geological, structural, meteorological, political - that long preceded the storm.

But expecting it and being ready for it are two different things. You're never ready to give up the people and the places you've loved.

The best you can do is to go on expecting the sad suddenness of the goodbye.

That's a really sad thought. It's one thing to lose your material items; it's another to lose your sense of the past. I look forward to one day taking my kids back to where I grew up, and be able to point things out to them, That's where Dad played baseball...That's Gram & Pop's old house...

Even those who grew up in abject poverty have fond memories of their childhood. My Mom grew up poor, yet visits Bellows Falls, VT every year - it was her home. It's a part of us, it helps define who we are. When it's gone, it's devastating.

Katrina is a haunting reminder that we really can't afford to take things for granted. Life is far too short. I just made a donation to the Bush-Clinton Katrina fund - a small price to pay, and it's going to someone who has suffered a great loss. I'd encourage you to do the same.

Things that don't suck: Survivor, Cook Islands

2006-08-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard already, the latest installment of Survivor will initially divide contestants by race: White, Hispanic, African American, and Asian. Host Jeff Probst calls this "just another chapter of a very public social experiment" - and I think that this is a good thing.

When it comes to race, I think there should be more open debate. I'm compelled to watch this show more than any other Survivor, because I'm rooting for the contestants to buck stereotypes. The United States is a melting pot, and I'm hoping the new season shows that our society is moving towards a confluence of race - it would surely stand in stark contrast to the rest of the world.

I think it's easy for someone to say that this show should be pulled from the air - especially when their boiled-down argument is "Because racism is bad." I truly believe that political correctness is about as helpful to racism as George W is to Iraq. It's the ideas behind the words that need to be healed, not the words themselves. Censorship covers up the truth. If you can't tell what I'm thinking, how can you tell me why I'm wrong?

At worst, what this show is going to do is make us think. Make us talk. Make us disagree. It's okay to disagree, as long as, in the end, you listen to the other person's point of view. We're not robots. Yet.

This is officially my #1 show to watch this year.

Things that suck: But I'm not playing footsie with you, dear...

2006-08-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, some of you may remember this posting of mine from January, "Things that suck: Rattling Kong's Cage" - it referenced an earthquake that shook a theater during a screening of King Kong, that made moviegoers feel like they were part of the movie. I remember thinking to myself as I was writing it, "Man, if I were a little kid watching that movie and that happened, I'd either think it was the coolest thing ever, or I'd be so completely terrified that I'd never go to the moves again."

So, that was pretty bad, right? Well, read this!

Two live diamondback rattlesnakes were released in an Arizona movie theater during a showing of the new film "Snakes on a Plane," according to Local 6 News.

Authorities said pranksters released the young venomous rattlesnakes in a dark theater at the AMC Desert Ridge near Tatum and Loop 101 in Phoenix. The two snakes caused a panic in the dark theater, according to the report.

"That to me is very scary," herpetological association representative Tom Whiting said. "I would hate to be watching a movie about snakes and have a rattlesnake bite me."

Wranglers were called to collect the snakes, the report said.

You know, for the record, a "prankster" sprays graffiti, or leaves a flaming bag of poop on someone's doorstep. A prankster doesn't release venomous snakes into a crowded theater!

Things that suck: Going to school in Thailand

2006-08-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

JonBenet's killer gives me the creeps.

Police said Karr had applied for jobs at Bangkok's dozens of international schools. They had said earlier one had hired him.

"People like him are dangerous. We have criminals from all over the world running away from their home countries to look for teaching jobs in Thailand," Suwat said.

Wow. There goes their marketing campaign slogan for new urban development: "Thailand. A great place for kids."

Things that don't suck: Bruno Giovanni Quidaciolu, Jr.

2006-08-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

Beloved character actor Bruno Kirby (born Bruno Giovanni Quidaciolu, Jr.) has passed on, at the age of 57. He died of leukemia, with which he was recently diagnosed. Bruno was fantastic - he was my favorite part of the movie City Slickers. I love that movie. Best line:

Billy Crystal: That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Bruno Kirby: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"

Here's a brief list of his more-famous movie roles:

Donnie Brasco (1997) .... Nicky
Sleepers (1996) .... Shakes' Father
The Basketball Diaries (1995) .... Swifty
Hoffa (1992) (uncredited) .... Nightclub comic
City Slickers (1991) .... Ed Furillo
The Freshman (1990) .... Victor Ray, Carmine's Nephew
We're No Angels (1989) .... Deputy
When Harry Met Sally... (1989) .... Jess
... aka When Harry Met Sally (USA: DVD box title)
Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) .... 2nd Lt. Steven Hauk
Tin Men (1987) .... Mouse
This Is Spinal Tap (1984) .... Tommy Pischedda
... aka This is Spinal Tap®: A Rockumentary by Martin Di Bergi (USA: complete title)
Modern Romance (1981) .... Jay
The Godfather: Part II (1974) (as B. Kirby Jr.) .... Young Clemenza (Peter)
... aka Mario Puzo's The Godfather: Part II (USA: complete title)

Rest in peace, Bruno.

Things that don't suck: Pay for Punk'd

2006-08-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

So, I just received this email from a buddy of mine today, who just bought a new Dell desktop:

I agreed to be part of a marketing study for Dell. They are gonna come watch and video tape me putting it together and then I have to fill out a survey once a week for four weeks. I get $200 gift certificate for Dell after it's done

So, of course, the gears started turning in my head...there are several ways to make this more interesting:

Get drunk before they get there. Wasted, Mel Gibson drunk.
Keep saying repeatedly, "Dude, quit taping my Dell."
At some point look directly at the camera and say, "Is Wayne Brady gunna have to choke a bitch?"
Keep plugging the cords in upside down.

Any other suggestions?

Things that don't suck: The message board for NBC's "Treasure Hunters"

2006-08-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

If anyone watches the show "Treasure Hunters" on NBC, you'll get a kick out of this posting, which, I may add, was written a week before the answer to the online game was given. And it was right. This was essentially the world's baddest endzone celebration - this guy knew where the treasure was, with such certainty, that he had time to come up with all this (NMAH = National Museum of American History):

After assembling the puzzle and reading these clues, the answer is obvious. It's the NMAH. My reasoning.

1. Rush to see the treasure stand. The only stand that is on the National Mall is Morgan's and Donz's hot dog stand. Located in front of the NMAH. Those dogs are pure treasure (although I remember when the Pilgram Dog was only $16.20).

2. See the inspirational underwater room. The summer rains in Washington brought floods to the Museums on the National Mall. Some rooms were under water.

3. Carved in the wall. In one of the bathrooms in the basement of the NMAH, where it was quite dark, I found some words carved in the wall. Although not patriotic, I was able to track down the author to one I.C. Weiner, of Gettysburg, Pennslyvania.

4. Hail to the Redskins. An obvious reference to the NFL. The NFL has a Hall of Fame. A Museum of National and American Leagues Football History. Shortened to MNAH, the anagram of NMAH.

5. The misty clues cover the symbolic ones. "Play Misty For Me." An early Clint Eastwood film. Later he stars in the classic, but Oscar overlooked, "Every Which Way But Loose." The flag, when in the wind, flies every which way but loose.

6. The game plan was laid. Again an obvious reference to the NFL.

7. Clupea Harengus. No need to use that part of the clue. Wiped out the Colours. Colours=Crayons. You are not allowed to write on the walls of the NMAH with crayons.

8. The Confederacy won. Another terms for Confederacy is Rebels. The University of Mississippi are the Rebels. Famous Rebel quarterback, Archie Manning, former NFL player and father of present day NFL quarterbacks, Eli and Payton Manning. Again, another NFL clue.

9. Debt even hits oil. The anagram. Don't Believe This (cleaned up for the younger ones playing the game). In other words ignore all the obvious clues and the words circled in red. Which means anywhere but the Lincoln Memorial. Which is probably a correct guess, but should be narrowed down to the NMAH.

I can't wait to get my phone call soon. I'm already packed.

Things that suck: Us

2006-08-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

...for making this moron famous:

Britney's "ugly" video

August 11, 2006

A video of Britney Spears has been leaked on to the internet.

The three-minute rant filmed by her husband Kevin Federline shows the 'Toxic' singer moaning about feeling "ugly" and missing out on life.

She fumes: "I'm ugly. My jaw hurts. I feel confused. I feel like I have been missing out on life.

Kevin asks: "What part of life?"

To which Britney snaps: "Things. Just things that are going on. I feel like I'm behind or something. It sounds weird but I do. I want to see a movie."

Kevin insists her wild partying is to blame and asks her if she would rather watch a movie or go out with her friends.

In answer, Britney slams her fist on the table and demands: "What's that supposed to mean? I would go watch the movie and then drink at home."

The singer then launches into a bizarre conversation about time travel.

She says: Have you ever seen 'Back to the Future'? Is that possible - to travel back in time? I think some people can do that. I think some people are ahead of us."

Kevin replies: "Could you imagine how many people would try to go back and change things?"

Things that suck: The Computer Guys

2006-08-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else seen this commercial? Could these guys be any more unenthused about their jobs?

"...we're The Computer Guys..."

http://www.thecomputerguys.com/commercial.php

It's either the worst commercial ever made, or a stroke of genius. They don't sound too shabby according to their website:

The Computer Guys, Inc. (TCG), an expert in strategic IT services for small and medium sized businesses, was honored by the MetroWest Chamber of Commerce as an outstanding local business. The Chamber awarded The Computer Guys the Small Business of the Year Award at their November Annual meeting on November 17th.

Things that suck: Getting screwed by Massachusetts pols

2006-08-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

I hate the Massachusetts political machine. Last week, we heard about Senate President Robert Travaligni's brother getting a $40,000 pay raise (apparently because $260,000/year wasn't enough)...and today, we hear that war veterans are being forced to sign loans for college tuition because the Legislature ended their session without a decision? Isn't that the main reason why most of them signed up in the first place? Ever heard of honoring a promise?

The following is a quote by gubernatorial candidate Kerry Healey, from today's Boston Herald:

"The Legislature has made the appalling decision to vote on things like tuition breaks for illegal immigrants, but they couldn’t take the time to take a vote to help our Massachusetts war heroes...I find it deeply disturbing.”
National Guard officials say the bureaucratic red tape has left some soldiers scrambling to meet tuition costs.
“It appears that some schools are honoring the tuition fee waivers and some are not,” said National Guard spokesman Maj. Winfield Danielson. “We remain hopeful that the Legislature will fund the tuition waiver in an informal session.

Two groups are responsible here, and should be ashamed of themselves. MA Pols, and the colleges who won't honor war veteran tuition fee waivers. I want the Herald to post a list of those colleges who won't accept the waivers. Blacklist those schools! These guys, no matter how you feel about the war in Iraq, are putting their lives on the line, for us.

I'm not blind to the fact that Kerry Healey is a MA pol herself - she's spinning the whole situation for her own political gain (they're veterans, enough with the dramatic "hero" kick for spin - veteran says it all, thanks), but she's right in her overall sentiment.

I have a real problem with the fact that there are people in Massachusetts who are living illegally, not paying taxes, and are getting a break on tuition...especially when you factor in the fact that veterans aren't receiving the bare minimum of what's been promised to them.

I'm sure there are more than a few illegal immigrants who have stories that pull on our heartstrings, but rules should be enforced. It just goes to show how flawed our system of government in Massachusetts really is.

There is no gray area here.

What a bunch of absolutely pathetic losers. And they wonder why voter turnout is so low.

Things that suck: Dropping the ball - then shooting it, spraying it with lighter fluid, and watching it burn

2006-08-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

A person really needs to work hard to screw up their life as badly as Maurice Clarett has. The juxtaposition of the following incidents - one in October 2003, and the other in August 2006 (this morning), is staggering.

October 2003 — Here are the 2003 Heisman hopefuls, in predicted order of finish:

MAURICE CLARETT, running back Ohio State, sophomore

Despite missing three games with injuries and much of a fourth, Clarett carried the Buckeyes to a national championship last season, rushing for 1,237 yards and 16 touchdowns. More importantly, he played big when the Buckeyes needed him most. Against Michigan, Clarett played through a shoulder injury to run for 119 yards and a touchdown and set up the winning score with a 26-yard reception. In the national title game against Miami, he ran for two touch-downs, including the game-winner in overtime.
August 2006 — Maurice Clarett was arrested early Wednesday after a highway chase that ended with police using Mace on the former Ohio State running back and finding four loaded guns in his truck, a police spokesman said.

Officers used Mace to subdue Clarett after a stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

"It took several officers to get him handcuffed," Woods said. "Even after he was placed in the paddy wagon, he was still kicking at the doors and being a problem for the officers."

Things that suck: Watching someone die

2006-08-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to scream after reading this story.

Assuming the parent of this 3-year old child is negligent, whose face do you smash in first: the parent (for not noticing their child was floating lifeless in the water), or the lifeguard-s, for their reaction?

Anthony Graham, 35, who was swimming with his daughter, noticed the boy floating in the water about 20 feet out and carried his lifeless body to the beach.

“I brought him in where the lifeguard was sitting. I laid him down,” said Graham, of Hyde Park.

But several witnesses said lifeguards said they wouldn’t do CPR without a mouthpiece to protect themselves, so two young moms trained in CPR took control.

Okay, completely sidestepping the fact that a 3-year old isn't the high-risk candidate the lifeguards should be worried about, where was their protective mouthpiece? Did they lie about taking CPR to get a nice relaxing summer job?

Still, if the parent was there and not paying attention, I say beat the snot out of them first.

Things that don't suck: Being Big Papi

2006-08-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

I know most of you must have seen this today, but it deserves another mention. BSG posted a dandy of an article on the greatest clutch player in Boston sports history - Larry Legend v. Big Papi. Check out the numbers - care of Page 2:

If Ortiz has one more walk-off hit in 2006, he'll be the first baseball hitter to have six in a single season since the division era began in 1969.
Since the start of 2005, he's come up 13 times with the chance for a game-ending plate appearance and made an out only once (and he ended up winning that game in the 12th inning).
He has the most walk-off hits in any four-year span (12, and that doesn't include the three in the 2004 playoffs, which made him the only player in history with three game-ending postseason hits).
Since he joined the Red Sox in 2003, he has 15 walk-off hits and the rest of the team has 19 total. ... Since Aug. 1, 2004, Ortiz has hit 21 home runs in 138 at-bats in Late-Inning Pressure Situations (no other player has more than 13).
Dusty Baker has the most career walk-off hits (25, including the playoffs), but Ortiz is 10 behind.
And just for the record, none of those stats include all the times when he tied a game or gave the Red Sox the lead in the seventh or eighth inning.

These numbers are staggering. For starters, by the numbers, Big Papi is batting .923 with the game on the line. Folks, this is a game in which you can expect to go to the Hall of Fame having success 32% of the time - and that's during normal playing conditions.

However, BSG is right, Larry Legend is still tops, with Ortiz making a mamoth run at the title. This list shows the greatest clutch performers in baseball history, and if its any indication, Big Papi is making it easy to punch his Cooperstown ticket. Check out the names, as well as the successful conversions, on the list.

Things that suck: A can of worms, when you're taking a worm in the can

2006-07-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

So, Boston.com carried this retardiculous article today, on the number of reported cases of sexual abuse in the American prison system.

Fewer than three prisoners in every 1,000 report they were sexually abused or harassed, but that probably is not the whole story, a government study says.

There may be far more sexual violence in prisons than is reported, the study's authors said, because inmates fear reprisal, adhere to a code of silence, do not trust the staff or are embarrassed.

Inmates fearing reprisal? Isn't getting bent over like Paris Hilton at a bachelor party enough? What could possibly be worse than getting up ended in prison?!

Fellas, if you look at that map, alls I gots to say is - if you break the law, just make sure it's in either South Carolina or New Mexico. Unless, of course, it's so bad in those prisons that nobody fesses up to getting "Barbara Mandrilled."** But whatever you do, don't do it in Texas or Florida. They seem like the most "loving" of states, according to this map. Which makes sense - the Bush brothers bent everyone over.

I think my favorite part of this article is this line, however - which demonstrates our tax dollars at work:

The report is the second one required by the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003, which was an attempt to solve a problem believed to be widespread.

I'm so glad Congress was taking a stand on this issue in 2003, especially considering nothing else was going on in the world that was more pressing than convicted man-on-man crimes of passion. WHO CARES.

**Editor's note: this joke was in reference to 80's superstar Barbara Mandrell, who sang "If Lovin' You is Wrong (I Don't Want to be Right)" which seemed apropos.

Things that don't suck: Crazy people (because they make life more interesting)

2006-07-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

Edward James Olmos is a loony toon. Need proof? When asked if he would reprise his role as Lt. Martin Castillo for Michael Mann's big-budget adaptation of the hit 80's cop drama Miami Vice (you know, the #1 movie at the box office?!) - he declined:

[Edward James Olmos] reportedly had his agent send a VHS to Universal containing a 20-minute loop of Olmos staring silently into the camera in disgust.

If I were Michael Mann, I'd send a nice note back to him saying, "Sorry for thinking of you, you pock marked, washed-up has-been!"

Things that don't suck: Telling off Joel Siegel

2006-07-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

So, ABC News fluff movie critic Joel Siegel got up and left the screening of Clerks 2 after about 40 minutes (apparently after a joke about beastiality)...

Kevin Smith had a great diatribe directed at that stupid idiot on his blog, which contained this doozy:

Cardinal rule of movie-going: shut your fucking mouth while the movie's playing. They even ask you to do so in the pre-show run-up to every flick ("Cell phones and pagers off, no talking during the show"). This guy went beyond talking, even; he was making a spectacle of himself as he left. I've now spoken to three folks in attendance last night, and all have said that Siegel WANTED everyone to know how disgusted he was, and that he was leaving. If you want to share your displeasure with everyone, that's fine, dude; just do it AFTER the movie, not during. Some folks were enjoying themselves. I don't come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like "'Shark Tale' Is a Halibut Good Time"; so don't fuck with my stuff WHILE IT'S STILL SCREENING.

I want to see Kevin Smith promoting his movie on Good Morning America. Very badly.

Things that suck: Overexaggerating

2006-07-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Now, before you say anything, I know. I'm one to talk. This may be the pot calling the kettle black, but then again, I'm not saying this to a newspaper with a circulation of 475,000 (and into the multi-millions when considering the web numbers).

I wasn't going to write anything today, but I got a little fired up when reading a piece on Tom Amorello (every time I say his name, I think Rage Against the Machine)...one quote really bothered me, from Senator Jack Hart, Democrat of South Boston (from Boston.com):

If we don't do something quickly, this could have lasting repercussions for years to come. During the tourist season, we have people around the region and the country saying Boston is an unsafe and corrupt city to go to because contractors got away literally with murder.

For a politician to say this to a newspaper is reprehensible. He should know better, especially considering the fact that most of his job is wordsmithing in order to pass legislation. I seriously doubt anyone would think that these people are responsible for murder. That's to say that they think someone intentionally left a 2-ton piece of concrete dangling, with the intent to watch it fall and crush some poor soul to death. He might as well just call them terrorists.

If anything, someone - the foreman in charge, the workers themselves - should be punished for negligence and gross misconduct. I remember 2 years ago, when the Herald was publishing daily photos of workers sleeping on the job, spending taxpayers money. The system is corrupt, and the unions make it easy to be lazy on the job, but murderers? Not from my point of view.

Things that suck: Shaving

2006-07-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

I accidentally shaved off a part of my goatee today, so had to get rid of the whole thing. Effing razor moved down a notch as I was shaving, from a 3 to a 1 setting.

Picture Tom Selleck, sans mustache. Know how ridiculous he looks? Yeah, well, he's GOOD looking. I'm ready to kill someone at Wahl.

Things that suck: World War III

2006-07-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Uh-oh. Senior-level government officials in Japan are openly discussing a pre-emptive strike upon North Korea. So much for diplomacy.

Things that suck: Being overpriced

2006-06-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

This new ball from Spaulding retails for $99. I will not buy one at that price, unless it guarantees a basket each and every time.

p.s. This basketball is worth more than Rajon Rando. Nice going tonight, Danny.

Things that still suck: Hwang Woo Suk and the Suktones

2006-06-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

Found a little piece on disgraced cloning "pioneer" Hwang Woo-Suk today, floating around the web. If you recall, back in December, I wrote a little piece that "critiqued" the entire investigation. Now, to update the story:

Hwang Woo Suk does indeed suck. He lied about his findings. In fact, the only clone he got right was the photograph of the stem cells.
Hwang Woo Suk and the Suktones are already opening up a new lab.
Korean people really eat dogs.

...next thing you know, Suk is going to show up at Madame Tussauds claiming he cloned Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

From Reuters:

Hwang will open a research facility in Seoul and employ many researchers who have worked with him before, Lee said.

Medical researchers have said it will be nearly impossible for Hwang ever to publish again in a major journal because of the fraud perpetrated by his team.

Now, is it just me, or does this sound like the plotline to The Island of Dr. Moreau? Estranged scientist, conducting evil experiments with DNA...

Things that suck: Teabaggers

2006-06-23T11:50:00.001-07:00

I can't believe I just read this story. Furthermore, I can't believe the Drudge Report link to the story reads, "Female cheerleader sues over 'teabagging', fondling at Marshall University..."

Why did these morons think a) that this was okay and b) that they were going to get away with it? Especially after the Duke rape incident!

Things that suck: Brownies

2006-06-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, Bomber and I are going back & forth over the reasons why Americans don't dig soccer. Amongst my reasons are these points:

Soccer is only the world's favorite game because it costs the least amount of money to play. All you need is a ball.
The rules are too subjective. Yellowcards are ridiculous, and "extra time" is dumb.
Ending the game in a tie is fine. Ending a tie game with no scoring at all is stupid.
Soccer players might have great conditioning, but they're complete wussies. Especially if they're from Paraguay. Man, they're good at faking injuries. It makes me wonder why the French aren't better at soccer.

...which reminds me of a joke:

During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation.

The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea..." he turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."

So, I've been watching the World Cup for the past few weeks. I've been trying my best to get into it. But all these long-haired wussies are driving me crazy. "Oooww, my toe! Oww! My shinguard! Oww, quit pinching me!" I propose that all Paraguayans (?) wear brown uniforms. Those Ecuadorans, too, they're big time wussies, afraid of a little contact.

And then, when I thought my argument couldn't get any better, our favorite curly-haired boyfriend adds his two cents in the Globe:

My absolute favorite thing about soccer is stoppage time. The whole world is watching and one guy on the planet knows how much time is really left. At any moment, the guy with the watch can throw up his hands and say, ``That's it." Really adds to the drama.

Bomber, now you find yourself squarely on the side of CHB.

Game. Set. Poop.

Things that suck: Getting ass-slapped in public (when you don't want it)

2006-06-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

So, Marilyn Tushman owns a boutique on Newbury Street, and yesterday some guys from the state Inspectional Services Department paid her a little visit. They took her sandwich board sign, which is illegal to have in Back Bay, and threw it in the back of their truck. Then when she started making a fuss, they slapped her with a $200 fine.

...and then the assholes snapped her picture running after the truck:

All I can say is, TUSH-MAAAAAN!

Now here's the kicker: when she opened her store 18 years ago, she obtained a permit for the sign - and then they changed the laws on her. That little nugget of information was buried on the third page of the story, followed by this:

Meanwhile, a man nearby walked around with a cardboard sandwich sign attached to his body that said fatpacking.com. Apparently, signs that move are not in violation of the city code.
``I figured I'd walk around and see if I could attract attention," said Steven Silberberg , whose business takes people backpacking to help them lose weight. ``My marketing acumen comes right out of the 1960s. . . . I guess I'm a rebel."

Things that suck: Getting picked on for doing something good for others

2006-06-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

Darryl Hannah was the butt of a few jokes this week for staging a 3-week protest in which she camped out in a tree to try to prevent an urban farm in South Central L.A. from being removed. The farm creates a safe, educational environment for kids, and brings social and economic relief for people whose daily life is filled with abject poverty and violence. It's a great idea.

The farm was sold in a back room deal by the City of Los Angeles 2 years ago for $5MM to a developer, who now wants to put a WalMart warehouse in its place unless he gets $16MM. So Darryl's out there, sweating it out in a tree, hoping to raise awareness & money from her celebrity friends, and what does she get in return? Ridicule.

In order to save this land, you can either donate to the Trust for Public Land, or directly to the South Central Farmers. If you donate to the South Central Farmers, and they cannot get the farm back, your money will be returned.

A big "eat shit" goes out to everyone who sits on their hands doing nothing. The voters who don't vote. The bored who don't take time out to help others. The wealthy who don't donate money unless it affects their tax returns.

Things that don't suck: Lucky Louie

2006-06-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

I just watched a new sitcom on HBO called Lucky Louie last night, and I have to say, it's got to be the funniest 30 minutes of television I've seen since All in the Family.

Louie C.K. takes a live studio audience, a normal Roseanne-style sitcom mold, and promtly destroys it right in front of your face. It's got heart, it's got a message...and it's got balls. I was in tears I was laughing so hard at it last night. DVR it and watch it. It was so funny that I'm watching it again tonight.

Don't believe me? Check out the reviews:

USA Today: Louie more lousy than lucky
Salt Lake Tribune: 'Lucky Louie' is foulmouthed, but not all that funny
Boston Globe: "...look for the good (Entourage), the bad (Dane Cook's Tourgasm), and the ugly (Lucky Louie)"
Boston Herald: HBO’s ‘Entourage’ excels, but ‘Lucky Louie’ is a loser

When the critics hate something this much, you know it has to be good - same thing happened to South Park, All in the Family, Family Guy, The Simpsons...

Critical failure = success in Hollywood.

Things that suck: When your big bat is a juicer

2006-06-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

From Deadspin.com:

Grimsley says that a former employee of [redacted] and personal fitness trainer to several Major League Baseball players once referred him to an amphetamine source. Later, this source — not the trainer — provided him with “amphetamines, anabolic steroids and human growth hormone.” This trainer? His name is Chris Mihlfeld, a Kansas City-based “strength and conditioning guru.” (And former Strength And Conditioning Coordinator for the Royals.)

Does Mihlfeld’s name sound familiar? If it doesn’t, he — and we assure you, this gives us no pleasure to write this — has been Albert Pujols’ personal trainer since before Pujols was drafted by the Cardinals in the 13th round of the 1999 draft. We have no confirmation that Pujols’ name is in the affidavit … but Mihlfeld’s is. If you read the document, it doesn’t say the trainer/Mihlfeld supplied all the HGH and what-not; it just says the trainer was the referrer.

Bomber may be in for more pain the rest of the season...if Pujols is juiced, he's going to have a hard time concentrating on hitting home runs with a camera & microphone stuck in his face, Barry Bonds-style...

Things that suck: Not seeing the forest through the trees

2006-06-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's got to suck, being the head of a terrorist organization these days, especially if you don't come from a lot of money like Osama bin Laden. It means that when the CIA puts a $25 million bounty on your head, you can't match it. So when someone close to you flips on you, nobody in the organization will care, because your death is for the greater good:

You're now a martyr, complete with 72 virgins at your disposal
The organization can add about 500 shoulder-mount missle launchers and 2500 SA80 assault rifles
Ice tea for everyone. What better way to show the organization you care about it's members than to offer a nice cool refreshment for those hot jihad days in the desert.

Why are people so stupid? I was home yesterday, and had the TV on in the background and Live with Regis and Kelly was on - they were interviewing Charlie Gibson, the new anchor for World News Tonight. Charlie was asked about the bounty, and his response, which seems to be the standard response these days, was something along the lines of - "Where would someone go with $25 million in the desert?" Meaning, it wouldn't be like hitting the lottery, because they'd stick out like a sore thumb.

Ummmm...EXACTLY. We are a nation of idiots.

Things that don't suck: Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

2006-06-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

Great googlie-mooglie. Boston.com posted an article today that included a recipe for chewy chocolate chip cookies, and I made them tonight. They are frickin AWESOME. I might eat the entire plate of them. So its either read a book, work, or play Day of Defeat. Any combination of these works, with a plate full of hot melty chocolate chip cookies and a tall ice cold glass of milk.

Here's that recipe:

2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup dark brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 eggs
1 extra egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 cups bittersweet chocolate, chopped

1. Set the oven at 350 degrees. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, baking soda, and baking powder.

3. In an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (if you have one) or the whisk, cream the brown and granulated sugars and butter for 5 minutes or until fluffy.

4. In a bowl, beat the eggs and extra yolk just to mix them.

5. With the mixer on medium speed, add the egg mixture and vanilla. Mix until well combined, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula once or twice. Add the flour mixture and beat until combined. Remove the bowl from the mixer stand. With a rubber spatula, fold in the chocolate.

6. Remove golf-ball sized lumps of dough and set them on the sheets 3 inches apart. Bake the cookies for 12 minutes or until they are just beginning to turn golden.

7. Cool on the baking sheets. Store cooled cookies for up to 3 days in an airtight container.

Things that suck: College Republicans

2006-06-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

Quick - somebody tell these people they're all going to Hell if they don't stop doing shit like this:

http://www.crnc.org/index.php?content=beach

Seriously, how stupid are these people? College Republicans are all starting to look and act like Paris Hilton and her Greek heir boyfriends.

Things that suck: Being in the RIAA crosshairs

2006-06-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

Comcast is now offering a sort of "burst" technology that temporarily boosts your bandwidth while you're downloading files. I'm wondering how long it's going to take the RIAA to sue bandwidth providers - like someone suing the state in order to decrease the speed limit after a bad highway accident. You would think that this would never happen, that it's a case that would never hold water...but whenever the rich are involved, you never know. Anything impacting their bottom line is in the legal department's crosshairs.

Take for example, the way that Comcast quantifies its new improved services:

At those speeds, three MP3 music files could be downloaded in 6.6 seconds, while a 686-megabyte video game could be downloaded in 12 minutes, according to the company.

Now, sure, you can say that you can download iTunes files legally...however, those are M4P files. And sure, there are legal MP3 files being offered on the Web. But we all know that's not what Comcast is gunning for here. Just curious if Jeremy or Ed want to chime in on this matter, being our resident legal beagles.

Things that suck: Being a complete sham

2006-05-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Pat Robertson is claiming that he leg-pressed 2000 lbs in 2002. This is not a joke, he's really claiming it. Finally, indisputable proof that he's a liar! For all those keeping track at home, 2000 lbs = 1 ton. I'm wondering if someone asked him how much he leg-pressed, and he responded "Oh, I don't know. But it's a ton of weight."

Then there's this quote:

The CBN Web site attributes Robertson's energy in part to "his age-defying protein shake." The site offers a recipe for the shake, which contains ingredients such as soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, flaxseed oil and apple cider vinegar.

I'm guessing the shake is provided to him by Victor Conte. Can we ban him from our lives forever?

Things that suck: The measles

2006-05-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Our friend Josh may want to spend a little more time out of the office...Reuters is reporting that there is an outbreak of measles in the John Hancock Tower. A little about measles:

Measles was long considered a normal childhood disease, but the virus can cause severe complications in otherwise healthy children and adults, including sometimes fatal encephalitis, pneumonia and diarrhea.

I cannot think of anything worse to die from than diarrhea.

Things that don't suck: Dodd '08

2006-05-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty vocal about wanting to vote for John McCain in the upcoming presidential elections, but I have to say, after hearing today that Senator Chris Dodd (D-CT) is running...for the first time in my entire life, I greatly admire two men running for the Presidency. The fact that one is a Democrat, and one is a Republican makes me feel validated as a truly Independent voter.

I think the thing I like best about both men is their poise. Both are strong personalities - Dodd is the stronger, more dominant orator. McCain is a decorated veteran who has sacrificed his body & soul for this country. Neither of them are compromised by lobbyists, neither of them put up with bullshit (don't believe any of McCain's right-wing appearances lately, the ends will justify the means).

Best part? If they make it through to the final round, we won't have to vote for an elitist,

unlike in our last election. Lots of character, great senses of humor, enormously strong-willed leaders who look out for middle-America. Things are looking up, finally. Now if we can only get past the $20 million war chest Hillary has set up already. It's too bad - Bill Clinton would probably endorse Dodd if she weren't running.

After all that, watch. It's going to be Jeb Bush vs. Hillary Clinton in '08.

Things that don't suck: Erasing mistakes

2006-05-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm so glad that Bryan Singer took over the Superman franchise. For me, the biggest reason is because in Superman Returns, we are expected to move forward from an endpoint of Superman II, rather than Superman V.

That means no Brewster's Millions vs. Superman, no Nuclear Man...Lois Lane still can't figure out that the bespeckled goofball Clark Kent is actually the Man of Steel...and another great actor takes the helm as the world's greatest villain, Lex Luthor (and not just for a payday).

I'm also satisfied, because I think that Superman vs. Batman, while a great storyline, was inevitably going to be ruined by a director like McG, who doesn't "get" any of this.

Take a look at the International Trailer for Superman Returns - it looks fantastic, especially the final shot.

Things that suck: Not graduating on time

2006-05-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Check out this story, found on Boston.com:

Doesn't that guy look a little long in the tooth to be a freshman in high school? I mean, come on buddy - just get your GED instead! Does he really need his high school diploma anyway? They pay Santa Claus impersonators $40,000 at some malls for 30 days of work.

Things that suck: Iran

2006-05-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

So, according to this news story, Iran is now going to require Jews and Christians to wear badges, identifying them as non-Muslim citizens. I pulled some strings to get a sneak-preview of the badges - Sean Penn sent me the draft mockup - it's the Press badge he had to wear in Iran last year while reporting for the San Francisco Chronicle:

Stupid question: I know this is completely beside the point but...why would anybody of those particular faiths want to live there in the first place? Family ties? Good grief.

Things that suck: Ruining the moment

2006-05-13T05:05:00.000-07:00

You know, like pointing out the fact that the hottest supermodel in the world, Adrianna Lima, has a moustache?

Things that suck: The Boston real estate market

2006-05-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

Click to open my feedback to the editors of the real estate section of Boston.com:

Things that suck: Double standards

2006-05-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Headlines on the Drudge Report today read, "Eyes were red and watery, speech was slightly slurred, and upon exiting his vehicle, his balance was unsure." Sound familiar?

Things that don't suck: Presidential Roasts

2006-05-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

The always-ballsy Stephen Colbert ("The Colbert Report") totally burned the president at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner - all the headlines went to that Bush impersonator, who's pretty funny in his own right...but Colbert was, without question, the highlight of the night. None of the major news networks showed his clips in fear of being labeled "liberal" - he put W on a skewer and ate him alive. Read about it here. Kick ass.

In another semi-tangental story, people are now donating blood for gas. They're called soldiers.

Update:

Things that suck: Killing somebody the next time

2006-04-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

Seeing that the Prizblog is down & out while Ed "focuses on his occupation"...I thought I might update everyone on the Anthony Galluccio story. He got off, no charges. What a joke. From what I've heard, he was stumbling drunk when he got out of the car. Seriously, screw the Boston political scene, it's so friggin corrupt it's not even funny.

And this, from the Boston Herald:

Galluccio has been charged with the offense twice before, but received a governor’s pardon in 1993 for a 1984 offense.

I'm guessing his response to Governor Weld after hearing that he was successfully pardoned in 1993 was, "Thank you sir - it'll never happen again."

A tiger never changes his stripes.

Things that don't suck: You nincom-f__in-poop!

2006-04-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

Please, trust me on this one. Watch this dude, all the way to the end. He gets so much more entertaining as time passes...

http://www.break.com/index/spiritoftruth.html

Things that don't suck: High-tech stealing

2006-04-26T13:35:00.000-07:00

Nice article on the Red Sox brand new video archival system that they travel with...5 terabytes of data on this monster...it contains video taken from several angles, both from a batter and pitcher's perspectives...which they credit for a very important moment in Red Sox history:

"In the sixth inning of that game, Dave Roberts pulled up every at-bat he could find of [Yankees reliever] Mariano Rivera pitching with a runner on first base," Conley says. "He played that on a loop. He was trying to gain an edge. Then he went in as a pinch runner in the ninth inning, stole second base and scored, and we turned things around. Having that video was another tool in the shed."

My only problem here is...why did he wait until the 6th inning?! I called that stolen base the day he was traded here for Nomar! I wonder what else they're stealing...

Things that suck: Having your face rubbed in your tragedy

2006-04-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Imagine the following scenario:

You're a 9-year old kid from Boston named Tom Holmes. Love baseball. You've got 2 brothers and a sister, and a loving Mom & Dad. Dad's a detective for the BPD. You love your Dad. One day, you come home from school to find out that your Dad's been shot and killed in a jewelry store heist, leaving your family without its patriarch. Your life is forever changed; ruined.

11 years later, your oldest brother gets killed in a car accident. Your mother dies later that year. In 1991, your older brother gets stabbed to death and has his throat slashed on Valentine’s Day. Seven years later, at the young age of 44, you find out you need a heart transplant.

Then, in 2003, in a cruel twist of fate, the state fails you by letting one of your Dad's killers out of jail on a technicality. He walks free into the Fresh air of Post Office Square, a 5-minute walk from where he was partially responsible for the 6 bullets that ripped through your fathers body, leaving him dead in the street.

Yesterday, in what can accurately define the phrase "Adding insult to injury," the Boston Globe runs a piece in which they try to make that man, your father's killer, a sympathetic figure in an article about prison reform. What a slap in the face.

It's one thing to watch Shawshank Redemption, and feel good that Morgan Freeman escaped the horrible confines of the corrupt prison environment. After all, he feels absolute remorse for his actions. But it's fiction. It didn't erase a lifetime of happy memories for an entire family.

You can say that this particular family's series of unfortunate events is just that - bad luck. I think it was induced by one tragic event, and because of that, that the people responsible should never see the light of day again. It wasn't an accident.

So, to the Boston Globe, I say, shove this article up your ass, and don't let it see the light of day ever again, either.

A quote from today's Herald by Thomas R. Holmes, now 49:

"From the time it happened it destroyed our family,” he said. “He wasn’t supposed to get out. He was never supposed to get out of jail.”

Things that don't suck: The Onion's take on iTunes

2006-04-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Onion has a great story on iTunes this week...

Read: iTunes To Sell You Your Home Videos For $1.99 Each

Things that suck: Going 0-for-13

2006-04-18T20:30:00.001-07:00

Interesting piece on the 25th anniversary of the longest baseball game ever played - a 33-inning monster in Pawtucket that lasted over 8 hours...one guy watched his average drop about 30 points after going 0-for-13!

Things that suck: Not being accountable for your actions

2006-04-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

Please, indulge me while I say a short prayer:

Please God, please give Tony Armas the cajones to throw a heater at Pedro Martinez's bean tonight. Noone deserves to get scared at the plate like Pedro. Don't hit him, just scare the crap out of him. He does it to everyone else!

Amen.

I think Pedro still thinks he's in the AL...hello, earth to Pedro...you have to BAT in this league...

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/preview?gameId=260412120

Update: Tony Armas is a pussy.

Things that suck: Not getting sarcasm

2006-04-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

Newsflash! Wily Mo Pena is a dumbass. From Boston.com:

After today’s missed catch, Pena made back-to-back plays on fly balls to end the inning, prompting a mock cheer from the sellout crowd. Pena didn’t get the sarcasm.

“That was incredible,” he said. “It gave like more energy to me. They’re happy here, whatever you do.”

Um, Wily ...

Things that suck: Having to say, "My grandfather is Jock Semple."

2006-04-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

In 1967, in an attempt to protest/raise awareness for women's rights, Katherine Switzer entered the Boston Marathon. Women weren't allowed to participate at the time. As she started the race, the race's unofficial Assistant Director, Jock Semple, tried to run up behind her and rip her number off in anger (photo to the right). Jock was met by another race participant, Thomas Miller, who threw a huge block on him, sending him to his ass on the side of the road (see sequence, below).

from Boston.com:

In 1967, Katherine Switzer, who registered as K.V. Switzer, was grabbed by race official Jock Semple (wearing dress shoes in photo), who attempted to tear off her number.

When women were first allowed to enter in 1972, eight ran. Last year, the total was 7,708.

Things that suck: RCN's helpdesk

2006-04-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

So, for the past few months, RCN has been showing these unintentionally hysterical commercials, hosted by Jim O'Connor. Jim takes people through some "simple" steps to get the most out of your RCN broadband connection. Sounds good, right? This commercial is directly aimed at the over-50 crowd - you know, the ones that are calling them all the time, bugging them about technical issues, such as "I can't open the pictures my daughter sent me."

The first commercial they released talked about setting up email. He makes it sound very simple at first...then you realise after about 8 steps, you've stopped listening. He goes through about 15 steps in 30 seconds, all in rapid-fire format - the whole time having this cheery-sounding voice that seems to beckon, "See? See how easy this is? See?" Must I remind you, it's a 60-second commercial? I'm guessing someone over 50 isn't really going to get much value out of these complete wastes of time.

The best one, by far, is the one where Jim takes us through the steps of power cycling your modem. Man, all you people with Comcast, you have no idea what you're missing. If anyone out there knows what I'm talking about, please respond!

Things that suck: The MicMouse

2006-04-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

New, from the makers of Bad Idea Jeans...The MicMouse! "Perfect" for those who use Skype, GoogleTalk - any econferencing software out there! That is, if you're an idiot.

Check out where they placed the microphone - dead center of the mouse! I'm guessing this invention didn't go through very many rounds of testing before being manufactured. Maybe the inventor just holds his mouse differently. Maybe he's got like, 3 fingers or something, or a hole in the middle of his hand...

All this can be yours, for $14.97.