Sunday, July 30, 2006

Things that suck: A can of worms, when you're taking a worm in the can

So, carried this retardiculous article today, on the number of reported cases of sexual abuse in the American prison system.
Fewer than three prisoners in every 1,000 report they were sexually abused or harassed, but that probably is not the whole story, a government study says.

There may be far more sexual violence in prisons than is reported, the study's authors said, because inmates fear reprisal, adhere to a code of silence, do not trust the staff or are embarrassed.
Inmates fearing reprisal? Isn't getting bent over like Paris Hilton at a bachelor party enough? What could possibly be worse than getting up ended in prison?!

Fellas, if you look at that map, alls I gots to say is - if you break the law, just make sure it's in either South Carolina or New Mexico. Unless, of course, it's so bad in those prisons that nobody fesses up to getting "Barbara Mandrilled."** But whatever you do, don't do it in Texas or Florida. They seem like the most "loving" of states, according to this map. Which makes sense - the Bush brothers bent everyone over.

I think my favorite part of this article is this line, however - which demonstrates our tax dollars at work:
The report is the second one required by the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003, which was an attempt to solve a problem believed to be widespread.
I'm so glad Congress was taking a stand on this issue in 2003, especially considering nothing else was going on in the world that was more pressing than convicted man-on-man crimes of passion. WHO CARES.

**Editor's note: this joke was in reference to 80's superstar Barbara Mandrell, who sang "If Lovin' You is Wrong (I Don't Want to be Right)" which seemed apropos.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Things that don't suck: Crazy people (because they make life more interesting)

Edward James Olmos is a loony toon. Need proof? When asked if he would reprise his role as Lt. Martin Castillo for Michael Mann's big-budget adaptation of the hit 80's cop drama Miami Vice (you know, the #1 movie at the box office?!) - he declined:
[Edward James Olmos] reportedly had his agent send a VHS to Universal containing a 20-minute loop of Olmos staring silently into the camera in disgust.
If I were Michael Mann, I'd send a nice note back to him saying, "Sorry for thinking of you, you pock marked, washed-up has-been!"

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Things that don't suck: Telling off Joel Siegel

So, ABC News fluff movie critic Joel Siegel got up and left the screening of Clerks 2 after about 40 minutes (apparently after a joke about beastiality)...

Kevin Smith had a great diatribe directed at that stupid idiot on his blog, which contained this doozy:
Cardinal rule of movie-going: shut your fucking mouth while the movie's playing. They even ask you to do so in the pre-show run-up to every flick ("Cell phones and pagers off, no talking during the show"). This guy went beyond talking, even; he was making a spectacle of himself as he left. I've now spoken to three folks in attendance last night, and all have said that Siegel WANTED everyone to know how disgusted he was, and that he was leaving. If you want to share your displeasure with everyone, that's fine, dude; just do it AFTER the movie, not during. Some folks were enjoying themselves. I don't come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like "'Shark Tale' Is a Halibut Good Time"; so don't fuck with my stuff WHILE IT'S STILL SCREENING.
I want to see Kevin Smith promoting his movie on Good Morning America. Very badly.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Things that suck: Overexaggerating

Now, before you say anything, I know. I'm one to talk. This may be the pot calling the kettle black, but then again, I'm not saying this to a newspaper with a circulation of 475,000 (and into the multi-millions when considering the web numbers).

I wasn't going to write anything today, but I got a little fired up when reading a piece on Tom Amorello (every time I say his name, I think Rage Against the Machine) quote really bothered me, from Senator Jack Hart, Democrat of South Boston (from
If we don't do something quickly, this could have lasting repercussions for years to come. During the tourist season, we have people around the region and the country saying Boston is an unsafe and corrupt city to go to because contractors got away literally with murder.
For a politician to say this to a newspaper is reprehensible. He should know better, especially considering the fact that most of his job is wordsmithing in order to pass legislation. I seriously doubt anyone would think that these people are responsible for murder. That's to say that they think someone intentionally left a 2-ton piece of concrete dangling, with the intent to watch it fall and crush some poor soul to death. He might as well just call them terrorists.

If anything, someone - the foreman in charge, the workers themselves - should be punished for negligence and gross misconduct. I remember 2 years ago, when the Herald was publishing daily photos of workers sleeping on the job, spending taxpayers money. The system is corrupt, and the unions make it easy to be lazy on the job, but murderers? Not from my point of view.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Things that suck: Shaving

I accidentally shaved off a part of my goatee today, so had to get rid of the whole thing. Effing razor moved down a notch as I was shaving, from a 3 to a 1 setting.

Picture Tom Selleck, sans mustache. Know how ridiculous he looks? Yeah, well, he's GOOD looking. I'm ready to kill someone at Wahl.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Things that suck: World War III

Uh-oh. Senior-level government officials in Japan are openly discussing a pre-emptive strike upon North Korea. So much for diplomacy.