Thursday, December 28, 2006

Things that suck: Being a total moron

Have you seen the Herald today?! This photo was on the front page - that's no lightsaber.

This moron paid $360k to build a house in North Attleboro. If that wasn't bad enough, he built it so close to power lines that light bulbs light up without being plugged in!

Dude, you should've just moved to a nice plot of land in either Rhode Island or New Hampshire! Enjoy your lowered sperm count and higher cost of living!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Things that suck: Being thrown out on your Hynie

RIP, Godfather of Soul. This story seems pretty ridiculous - James Brown seems to be getting in a posthumous "eff you" after having his lawyer drop the hammer on his wife (Tomi Rae Hynie) by locking her out of his estate on Christmas...although all is not as it seems. No wait, it does - because she seems like a gold-digger who married an old geezer for his money.

"This is my home," Hynie told a reporter outside the house. "I don't have any money. I don't have anywhere to go." mean, other than your house a few blocks away? Finally, a gold digger gets what is coming to her! Now, I know James Brown was an a-hole to women, but gold diggers like this are just as bad. The guy was in the hospital for days, and she didn't even come to visit...the next thing you know she's trying to get into his estate the day he died - on Christmas!

Ho ho ho, HO.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Things that suck: Losing a legend

Peter Boyle died today, he was 71 years young. He was my favorite comedic actor, of all time. When he played the monster in Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein, he had me hooked. When it was announced that he was to play Ray Barrone's father in Everybody Loves Raymond, I was ecstatic. He was lightning in a bottle.

I'm glad that they ended Raymond when they did; he was apparently in failing health, and that was part of the reason for the series ending after 10 years.

Peter Boyle was the greatest - and he leaves behind some irreplaceable work. RIP.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Things that suck: Being a Jets fan

So, I'm in my glory today, around 3:30pm - the Dolphins are beating the shit out of the Patsies, my Jets are coming up at 4:15pm versus the Bills - playoff chances on the line, if they win, they're only a game out of first...and then it happens.

Actually, "it" happened the day I became a Jets fan. For some reason, I'm always optimistic, like this is some stupid effing prank some is playing on me - it's not like the Red Sox, there's no fate involved, there's no losing with any purpose. Okay guys, I get it, joke's on me! You can come out now!

Final score: Bills 31 - Jets 13. The Jets knew the ramifications...and still lost to JP Losman. At home.

I root for the biggest losers on the planet. Our pride and joy, Joe Namath, a ballsy QB with so much swagger in his day that he scored chicks while in a mink coat gets on ESPN, shitfaced, and professes his beergoggled love for Suzy Kolber during an interview. Joe, just to remind you, this is Suzy Kolber:

...and yes, you are the king of our kingdom. A kingdom of losers.

But I can't drop them. It seems like every year, they have that game in which they've once again instilled a shred of dignity, which gets confused by the fan base as's reminiscent of my beloved Hartford Whalers. But at least the Whalers had their own theme song (Brass Bononza), that played after every goal. The Jets don't even play in their own stadium.

Hey, wait a minute - we do have something unique: we have Fireman Ed! Wait til next year!