And with that, I give you the tale of the Boston prosecutor who thought he could win over a jury by dressing up as The Gimp.
You've all heard of the trial by now - a Quincy woman working as a dominatrix has a busy afternoon planned - spanking at 1, tickle torture at 3, leash-training at 5....
Her 7pm appointment, a regular, asks to be tied to a wall and humiliated. After informing the man that she's got a digital camera and is emailing his wife and kids, the man takes her quite seriously and has a massive heart attack. Yes, she's that good. She watches him twitch for about 5 minutes or so, then calls her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, this dead guy ain't good for business." So the loyal boyfriend, a butcher by trade, cuts the guy up into little pieces Fargo-style. Then I think they eat him. I could be wrong about that. After her arrest, she confesses her crime to police, as well as apologizes to the victim's mother. I think her exact words were, "Sorry, ma'am, I should've left you a piece."
Open and shut case right? Of course not, this is Massachusetts! If the Olde Towne Team can win one after 86 years, who's to say this little powderkeg of 'can-do' can't have a shot? Hell, she already hid all the evidence (well, except for that torture chamber), left no traces of DNA, and got Sam the butcher to do all the dirty work! Besides, this was to be a jury of her peers! Get out those leather whips, this bitch is bringing it to dominate your asses!
...and this brings me to my point. Little did she know just how much her odds were about to improve. Enter The Prosuckutor, Robert Nelson. Nelson proved that truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. From the Boston Globe:
...[b]ut it was Nelson's theatrical closing that provided the most dramatic moments of the trial.
The prosecutor pointed and hollered at Asher. He dumped a box full of hoods, collars, and paddles onto a table, and proclaimed that Asher was trying to protect her business.
"That's why she didn't call the police," he said.
With both hands, he reached back and clutched the top of a blackboard to simulate Lord being strapped to the rack.
He paused as his head hung forward as if to simulate Lord's alleged death.
Page objected, and Norfolk Superior Court Judge Charles Grabau agreed.
"That's enough Mr. Nelson," the judge said. "Thank you for your demonstration."
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The judge watched as the jury exited the courtroom to deliberate, bare-asses hanging from their chaps. The Prosuckutor sat down in his wooden chair and leaned back, crossing his fingers behind his head. He sighed, expressing a long-awaited moment of relief. He was getting a big promotion for this...noone would ever forget the day Robert Nelson tried the dominatrix...he was...
"Excuse me Mr. Nelson," the judge interrupted. "You can take the mask off now."
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I love the American legal system. |s|
4 comments:
In his defense he did have an uphill battle; no body, no DNA evidence, botched police work... That whole leather mask bit seems like grasping at straws.
Pat - don't lie - that pic is of you, isnt it?
So the prosecutor needs a defense? I rest my case.
Yes, that's really me behind the mask.
In all seriousness, no. I get your point. He was a willing party to a deviant sexual act which resulted in his death, and if they can't find any evidence, they obviously can't convict. It just seems like someone (sounds like the cops) dropped the ball here. I was just having some fun writing while bored last night.
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