Things that suck: Brownies

So, Bomber and I are going back & forth over the reasons why Americans don't dig soccer. Amongst my reasons are these points:

1. Soccer is only the world's favorite game because it costs the least amount of money to play. All you need is a ball.
2. The rules are too subjective. Yellowcards are ridiculous, and "extra time" is dumb.
3. Ending the game in a tie is fine. Ending a tie game with no scoring at all is stupid.
4. Soccer players might have great conditioning, but they're complete wussies. Especially if they're from Paraguay. Man, they're good at faking injuries. It makes me wonder why the French aren't better at soccer.

...which reminds me of a joke:

During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation.

The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea..." he turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."

So, I've been watching the World Cup for the past few weeks. I've been trying my best to get into it. But all these long-haired wussies are driving me crazy. "Oooww, my toe! Oww! My shinguard! Oww, quit pinching me!" I propose that all Paraguayans (?) wear brown uniforms. Those Ecuadorans, too, they're big time wussies, afraid of a little contact.

And then, when I thought my argument couldn't get any better, our favorite curly-haired boyfriend adds his two cents in the Globe:

My absolute favorite thing about soccer is stoppage time. The whole world is watching and one guy on the planet knows how much time is really left. At any moment, the guy with the watch can throw up his hands and say, ``That's it." Really adds to the drama.

Bomber, now you find yourself squarely on the side of CHB.

Game. Set. Poop.