Things that don't suck: Dunkin Donuts

An article in today's Boston Globe details the finishing touches on Krispy Kreme's New England demise. This come on the heels of another announcement, that Michael Vale, the actor who played sleepy-eyed Dunkin Donuts employee Fred the baker for for 15 years, had passed away at the age of 83. Time to make the...funeral arrangements.

I couldn't be happier to see Krispy Kreme Kompany run home, tail between its legs. I said it when they opened their doors in Medford, and I say it now - nobody wants your crappy donuts, KKK! You don't get it (because "y'alls" are dumb southerners) - if donuts were a good draw up north, there would be a bigger market for pastry stores! I can't remember the last time I went into a DD and ordered a donut. Besides, you've only got one good donut, and it's only good if its warm, which happens 25% of the time.

A friend of mine went into a Dunkin Donuts in Florida not too long ago, asked for an ice coffee, and had the following exchange with the employee behind the counter:

Sales clerk: Ohh. You must be from the north.
Friend: Yeah - why?
Sales clerk: Because you like your tea hot and your coffee cold.

I love Dunkin Donuts. It's a New England champion, no matter who the new owners are. I love having Dunkin Donuts on every other street corner here in Massachusetts; I love the fact that you can walk in, ask for a regular - and they know what you're talking about. Even in the South.

Celebrate Fred's life, and KKK's death, by picking up a coffee at DD today. You can feel good about the product you're drinking - DD only sells fair trade coffee, which protects the rights of people, the environment, and stimulates the global economy. And, no matter what anyone says, it's less expensive, and tastier, than Starbucks. Although, sometimes, they really screw up the french vanilla by not cleaning out the filters and it ends up tasting like shit. But who cares, they're one of us. Suck it up.